Monday, March 31, 2008

It's All About Opinion

I will attempt to be less drunk when I write speeches about the fabulous life of the rich and famous. In the past 48 hours, the United States population has presented me with two offended souls. For which, I indeed take pity.

See here. This is my personal favorite of the two (thus far), and to you, Mr. Anonymous, I wish to give my sincerest apologies. No, really. I do. I feel you holmes. Like Mr. Jackson does kindergarten.

I know what you're all thinking. I can't be trusted. I mean I've gone on drunken Nogasaki raves and encounters with an icon... Honestly, when will the bullshit in this blog end?!

The profanity... I mean, if your child under the age of 14 is reading this blog, for the love of Allah, rip him by his denim collar out of that computer chair and scold him with a liquid soap and vinegar mixture to the eyes.

The day this blog is politically correct is the day where Microsoft goes bankrupt.

Yes, my adoring fans, I will not disappoint you. You will each have a voice, and your opinions will all be heard. Through me - the truth. The absolute supremacy directly above your mother's dictatorship. I will not spank you.

When you shat upon my rolling hills of wheat, when you ravaged the beauty of my wetlands with non biodegradable generic Cola bottles, and when you voted Dubbya to office, I was right there. All around you... Yeah, right.

Give me a break. I don't care about your opinions or concerns... Mine matter.

If you don't know what's up in this blog by now, then prepare to be appalled when you sift through past entries. I can only give you my support.

I can never get enough of middle class America. Great stuff.

I can see it now. I'll be talking to Matt Lauer come 2012... or before the world ends. Whichever comes first.

Skippy jumped up 51 spots on Blog Toplist in the past 3 hours. Kick ass.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Do you like money?

So do I.

This one goes out to you, rich American home owner in the rich part of your town, wherever that may be.

To all of those who achieved high paying jobs straight out of college, and to all of those who can afford the luxuries in life like a 3rd or 4th car.

May your son and or daughter have a BMW on their 16th birthday, and may they have everything you've known and more.

I hope people like you read this, because man (or woman), this one is sure for you! You hard working American, you.

Let me tell you something. You kind of people are so arrogant, that half the time I have to put a megaphone to your fat ass just so you can hear me.

Rich people disgust me. The kinds that sit home watching Oprah worrying about the troubles of the world, while watching the stock market on an iPhone they got from their last $2,000 raise, hoping that their future doesn't depend on how Dow Jones does tomorrow.

You know the kinds - the people that make in excess of $60,000 a year and all of a sudden think that they've been blessed by the Gods an can do no wrong. So to convince themselves that they aren't worthless idiotic nothings, they run out to Dolce & Gabbana to better the world - their world.

Fuck your world.

I know what you're thinking. You just sat back in your chair, and either gasped or scoffed. Well, screw that too.

When you're so high and mighty, that money is no object, and you can go anywhere you want on this globe at the drop of a hat by just packing up and leaving, it looks like someone needs to readjust their priorities. There are people that can't do that, and have to actually work for a living, doing something that you could never do, and that's get your hands dirty.

Real hard working down home Americans that work for their family to give them something more than a shoe collection. It's the stupid preppy nose-to-the-sky kinds that everyone else should be looking down on. Stop thinking you can buy your kids everything to make them happy.

You can't. You never will... but go ahead, and keep sitting at your Windows office computer making those big bucks typing away while other people are breaking their backs to make a fraction of what you will this year. Aren't you proud?

Teach your kid how their car works. When they've turned mommy and daddy's birthday gift into a smear on the NYS Thruway, I'm going to drive right on by, on my way to work.


Real work.

You hear that? Hello? Ass? Anyone in there?

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Sure, you've got low prices...

...but you've also got throngs of screaming crying whining smelly drooling dirty obnoxious spoiled rotten kids.

All I want to do is organize my shoe department in peace and quiet, but no. There's some child in a cart turned around shouting repeatedly to her mother who I am sure is already across the store, if not already out in the parking lot feverishly trying to start her Grand Caravan to get out of there in the quickest way possible without being told by the cops or this guy that you aren't supposed to do shit like that... Whoops.

I need a vacation. From the truth.

Well, in other news - Apple of course - it looks like the Mac Mini could still see it's bright little future way in the distance. It could be updated, and kept around for a good while. Interesting to hear, considering I may be picking one up eventually... See, Steve knows what's up. We have an understanding.

In other news, I want this... Or even better, this concept car seen here and here. Apparently it was going to be a one of a kind for Dale Earnhardt Sr., but it instead morphed into the 2000 production car. Great stuff. Rock on, 6th generation Monte Carlo.

Go Mopar. Later holmes.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Skippy Stock is Down

Look at that, I'm gone for a 5 day Easter break and I am torn down to 172 on Blog Top List.

Bloody hell.

Anyway, news is here. It's finally happening. Vista will be cured for all. No more Blue Screen of Death.

Apple is stepping up to take care of Vista.

That's right, I said it. Steve-O is going to end up saving us all from the nightmare that Bill Git started not long ago.

See here. I have to be off to prepare myself for an evening including seemingly violent action movies and Cheetos. Peace.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Emerald City Underway

Has anyone seen this pile of shit? Please tell me you have.

Apparently, this thing is gonna take down the Mall of America. It's going to be the biggest baddest thing yet. More so than the Big Dig, and probably twice the nightmare.

This thing was proposed in 1997. Then it expanded into someone's idea of a joke.

Well. They've gotten nowhere. It's still hell. The roads are terrible - it's more confusing to navigate than the Rachel Ray Recipe Book, and is a bigger nightmare than George Bush interrupting your favorite sitcom to tell America he fucked up in a nutshell.

The appearance of this building... Holy... Crap...

I can't even put it into words. I was all for it. I'm thinking to myself, 'Hey a mega-Apple Store'... No. We get something inspired by a fucking Bug's Life.

It's Green, but it's not. It may actually be green, and it's supposed to be an eco-friendly building... but... with one flaw.

It's being built on wetlands, damn it.

Who knows when it's supposed to be done. I'm placing bets on the 'my generation will never see it' slot.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

GodPhone = Truth = Control Your PC

Yo. Holmes. Ever wanted to run Windows on your iPhone? Literally?

Not necessarily Parallels, but you won't need it.

You'll never guess what I uncovered.

Right HERE.

It's called BeFree4iPhone.

What is this you ask?

A tool that will change your life.

This requires NO hacking or jailbreaking of your iPhone, and will work if you've crossed over to the dark side or not. I personally haven't, and never will, so this was the first part that drew me in.

What can you do?

You can literally control your PC remotely from your iPhone, where you want, when you want. You sinply touch the screen where you want your cursor, and you constantly have the option to click, double click, or... other things I haven't gotten into yet. You see, and control, your computer. You see your desktop pseudo-live (there is some delay time) just as if you were sitting in front of it.

There are bigass buttons on the bottom that I knew about, but right now, in my fit of technological-wonder, forgot the depth of them. Some of them are: To File Browser, Minimize All Windows, To Remote Control, etc. There are more.

You can zoom in and out and all that jazz, so don't worry about trying to click that little 2 millimeter iTunes or AIM "X" in the top right corner, and such.

I have a dock on my home screen - ObjectDock - and simply going over one of the icons will allow me to click them, but goes not give the mouseover effect. Not sure if that's simply delay or an animation you don't see.

I may get more into this eventually. Who knows. I am finally becoming a sick little tech-helper. Amen.

It is also listed at Apple as a Web App HERE.

You rock, BeFree4iPhone people, really. You do.

Friday, March 14, 2008

5th gen iPod Update

Got this iPod?

Then run to that little love child of yours, and pop that usb in.

Gently now. Ever so gently. Don't cram it in, you ass.


What do you gain from this? What great new features did Apple include in this v1.3 update that "Supersedes" all previous updates?!

To borrow a line from Pirates of Silicon Valley; "Nothing. Not a damn thing."

Bug fixes, as far as anyone can tell. I know... but please, keep it in the pants. Don't end up like this... or like some people.

Thanks though Steve. Give that white shiny plastic a little more love before you say goodbye. Don't be afraid.

Safari seems snappier.

Oh wait... Nevermind.

Man, I love mini-code.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Hi Roller

No, not the band.

I know it's hard for you to all believe, but Skippy has consistantly been in the top 200 of Blog TopList. I find that halfway decent since I've only been doing this for a few months.

I'm also getting a little somewhere in the PhotoCrank world. Even if some people don't have a sense of humor like I do.

No I'm kidding. I love ripping on people for weeks for something they did that took like 5 seconds of my time. It always makes for a good day. At least this guy thought so... and her... oh, and them.

No, I'm fucking with you. I don't know any of them. Hopefully they don't mind the honor of being on my blog. Like some people.

I need stuffed shells and maybe a couple cannolis... but with chocolate chips, the way they were intended to be. Ask Don Corleone.

I would make a great fat man.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Bloody Hell

So the insanely great image from my last entry is removed.

Yeah, I took it off myself, cause I'm just a nice guy. Oh, and I'm a fucking people person.

Someone somewhere said that he created it and doesn't like direct links because I'm stealing his traffic that is evidently up in the high dozens. Whoops.

You know, Google Images provides me with every photo I've uploaded, and if anyone doesn't want me to swipe a photo off there for any reasons, don't let Google crawl your site. They sort of don't find you magically - I know, dream crusher.

So. That dude's happy. I think.

Let's see here now.

Taylor Hicks won American Idol for a damn good reason. Rock on, new age soul music stuff.

You know how it sounds good?

It sounds good on an iPhone, in your hand, using the touch screen to navigate to the album just because you can and no one else around you can touch their music because they all use Hellphones. I have GodPhone, as we've all come to know it. Great, great stuff.

It's a soul thing, or so I'm told by iTunes in my start / menu / task bar thing. Whatever Redmond is calling it this year.

Thursday, March 6, 2008




I don't really know how I can sum this up without going over your heads. Gotta keep it simple, you know.

SDK. 'Nuff said.

Holy crap. What's next? Apple, do I smell iPhone 2.0 to accompany firmware 2.0?

What else what else what else...


Who gives a 10 year old an iPod Classic? When she has a Windoze XP virus-laden box? Really.

Does she have 20 full length movies an 5,000 songs and 1,000 photos? No. She has spyware, because kids don't know how to operate computers properly without an adult sitting behind them.

This is why we have parental controls. To control your little monster spawns. Wow.




Yeah. I think that's about it for now. I'm just really excited about the iPhone third party apps coming out in the near future. This is going to be insanely great.

Nothing like a few good Steve-phrases to finish off the day, right?

Monday, March 3, 2008


For the love of god, I've already had 500 views since I joined PhotoCrank. This rocks.

Yes. I put another test picture in so I could Crank it myself.


That's such great free advertising.

There is much work to be done. Perhaps Apple will give us gifts tomorrow? You may never know.

I need to get myself back on earth. You have no idea what Elvis Reese's Peanut Butter & Banana cups can do to you.

Man, meet Neptune.

Saturday, March 1, 2008


I added that to the site.

Yes, I'm just living off of Fake Steve Jobs.

So what if no one can take a joke. Whatever goes, goes. Nothing personal, just business.

I wanna test out this new-fangled deal with the image in this entry. It intreagues me.