Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Apple to Gizmodo: Gimme

So, that iPhone that everyone is raving about now? You'll never see it again. It's gone, thanks to one drunk employee who left it at a bar, where it was picked up by some schmucks, sold to some more schmucks, and then torn apart by Gizmodo.

Well. Now they officially ruined it. Not the iPhone. The child-like wonder.

Do you REALLY think Steve is going to unveil a product on stage, to tons of people (intelligent tech-people) that the world over has already seen months before?

Hell no.

You people aren't getting it now.

So there.

You'll get an iPhone with no camera(s), removable Energizer batteries, and with Flash support. You'll all be pissed off with it, and you'll all wonder why. You'll all know why, though. You pissed off Steve... and Steve will not take that kind of shit from you kind of people. Steve will punch you in the chest, rip out your beating heart, and squish it, beating, into the pavement.

That is, unless Jony Ive doesn't stab you in the eyes with a soldering iron.

...and unless Scott Forstall doesn't code you to death.

Be afraid. Be very afraid. Revenge of the nerds, bitches.

More as this unveils.