So I just got back...

from this Christmas party with all the tech folks here in Central New York. It was out in like Herkimer or something, and I almost killed some fox on the way there because it decided that it's walkway was the middle of a highway. If kids have crosswalks, then why don't the freaking animals? Just because they defecate where they please, I'm supposed to believe that they can go where they want when they want and do whatever they want at any time of day? Screw you, woodland creatures. Yes, I'm talking to you because you read this blog.

Anyway. I got chocolate from everyone there. I found that funny. They all know me that well, even if I'm not in that time of the month. Still...

See. Analyze an image relating to that in your mind, and see if you ever get to sleep tonight.

I need to start wrapping fake gifts so I can put them under my fake tree so I can give them to fake people I like. Do I look forward to it? Yes and no. On one hand, I get to spread the pure joy that a human being can only truly experience in the form of a gift from your truly. A small token of my appreciation of their existence, even if they act like total blundering morons 99% of every day of their lives. Gotta love 'em. I swear to God you do. It says so in the Bible. Or the Torah. Or in here.

I will tell you. The Nogasaki is something that should be un-fooled around with. Yes, like that orange juice, the fine Italian wine that can be found in my collection. Powerful crap. I'll tell you that much. If you're not careful it'll knock you on your ass in a minute.

Oh proverbial sigh.

I want to go back on vacation.

Which reminds me, Fake Steve is doing just fine. All that Apple bull - yeah, he's got it under control. Details are on the down low, or whatever they say nowadays. Rest assured, he'll be fine. So don't worry about worrying about my worrying about FSJ. All is well in the faux Apple kingdom, and Dear Leader will let it all blow over in no time.

Well...

Looks like I'm gonna get to gift wrapping. Then I'll be off to sleep so I can wait for this man to crawl down my chimney, and raid my home for no good purpose. He probably just wants to scope the place so Vinny, Vito, and Lenny the Squid can take me out.

Oh man. Nogasaki's taking affect.

Yup. Goodnight.

Alright, so I WAS on a 2 week leave...

...and I know I didn't tell you.

So?

Suck it up. I'm back at the reigns now aren't I? Relax. Papa Skippy is back to guide your lives on the path of righteousness, realization and buying the right Apple products. Speaking of which. Fake Steve Jobs.

Alright.

Whatwhatwhat?

Apparently there are still some people that still spend so much time at their desks that they not only lost that program that they were working on for 2 weeks, they also forgot that they put their sense of humor in the bottom of their coffee cup right next to the old cigarette. Hey, look what they made!

Some people just need to get lives, and jobs. No, not of the Steve variety. Surprisingly. Yes, for the first time in my life, I'm against Apple. This is just... Whoa. It's FSJ. You don't mess with FSJ. That's like internet rule number 2. Aside from enabling keyloggers to track every single thing your kids do online. Screw parental controls. Control your children.

For whatever reason, whatever they may have, Apple wants to tear down FSJ from the blogside out. Apparently they don't like something he said. What? Who the hell knows. They won't say. I guess they're just bored. They say it's specifically 3 of his entries. Which one out of all of them? No idea. It's a guessing game.

Rock on Fake Steve Jobs. As David Bowie would say...

It's the holidays. Can't we wait to sue one another until after everyone gets drunk for New Years? Odds are no one's gonna remember anything anyway, and isn't that the true meaning of this time of year? Wait.

Ok that could have been worded better.

Isn't getting drunk-

Crap.

Drinking-

Crap.

Ok. Forget that. Really. My law enforcement brethren wouldn't like that. I swear to God they wouldn't.

I'll elaborate more about FSJ when I know more. Which should be soon. Come on, I see, hear, and know all. Do you expect me to be kept in the dark about anything? I'm not just another person. It takes someone unique to be on my level. One day you might. With a lot of work and some high flying soulful hallelujahs, you might do it. You never know.

Then there's always the simply pay homage to me method. In which you send my your unwanted unused or broken Apple products. There's always that.

NAMASTE I SAY. Keep FSJ alive. Hear me brothers and sisters. HEAR ME!

No money, no iPhone

For some reason I still can't find a job. Nowhere.

This city, is so full of places needing work, and places to spend said cash, that how could I not find work somewhere? Unreal. I can't make donuts for our local officers of the law, I can't make pizzas for our local cheap people, and I also can't even slice deli meats.

I know the knife is sharp, but may I remind you it's attached to a counter.

I can't even stock Wal-Mart trucks. What is that? I'm being shunned by Mr. Sam Walton? The man whom I've been nothing if not loyal to whenever I head off to a store in search of everyday low prices.

Oh, America. Land of the Half-A-Grand-Phone. How I long to operate your touch screen with my tongue. You know Gene Simmons probably thinks of that.

Oh. I'm sorry to report to you all, that Sir Bono on the Fake Steve blog, wasn't even a Fake Bono. As FSJ tells it, it wasn't even him or even still, it wasn't authorized by him. I love Bono as much as the next Irishman, but holy Jesus. Don't be him. There is one Bono. One Oprah, one Tom Cruise, one Dave Thomas, one Bono. Not two, not a mini-Bono, not a Bono-clone, not Bono Jr.

As exciting as a dual-Bono tour may be... Could you imagine that? It's like two Lynyrd Skynyrds going on tour with the same name.

Oops.

Wait. They did that already? Crap.

Mr Africa himself? No not Oprah.

Some big shit is going down in the JobsBlog thanks to the U fucking 2 frontman. (Or someone that desperately wants to be him.) Apparently, Bono (yes, that Bono) is posting (as himself) on the Fake Steve Jobs blog. Now, let me try to figure this out. You would go to a blog that is one giant parody, and try to preach whatever you want as truth? I doesn't work like that.

Still, it's slightly amusing.

His preaching of a Product Red GodPhone has half of the internet abuzz with the glory and braging rights that can only come with owning this handheld piece of history.

Imagine it. Really. Walking by holding a 3.5 inch screen with the ability to watch a cult of high school children drop their jaws to the floor just because you're downloading the remix of A Little Less Conversation directly to a device you shelled out a half a grand for just months earlier while they were asleep in their mothers basement the morning you were in line at your local AT&T store. Unless you were someone like this who happened to oversleep so much that after two days of wetting yourself, you didn't even make it into the store because of the the previous night's encounter with Jim Bean, Jack Daniels and Captain Morgan.

Could this be true? After all, there have been rumors about a Deep Red iPhone being shipped to AT&T sometime before the holidays. I know one person with iPod-Wifi-Phone. I know enough not to go out and buy the Voyager. I know how I want to order my tomato pie - via a touch screen with tons of pretty little touch button things. Why? Well, because I'm an american, and why shouldn't I shell out half a grand for a cell phone?