So I just got back...

from this Christmas party with all the tech folks here in Central New York. It was out in like Herkimer or something, and I almost killed some fox on the way there because it decided that it's walkway was the middle of a highway. If kids have crosswalks, then why don't the freaking animals? Just because they defecate where they please, I'm supposed to believe that they can go where they want when they want and do whatever they want at any time of day? Screw you, woodland creatures. Yes, I'm talking to you because you read this blog.

Anyway. I got chocolate from everyone there. I found that funny. They all know me that well, even if I'm not in that time of the month. Still...

See. Analyze an image relating to that in your mind, and see if you ever get to sleep tonight.

I need to start wrapping fake gifts so I can put them under my fake tree so I can give them to fake people I like. Do I look forward to it? Yes and no. On one hand, I get to spread the pure joy that a human being can only truly experience in the form of a gift from your truly. A small token of my appreciation of their existence, even if they act like total blundering morons 99% of every day of their lives. Gotta love 'em. I swear to God you do. It says so in the Bible. Or the Torah. Or in here.

I will tell you. The Nogasaki is something that should be un-fooled around with. Yes, like that orange juice, the fine Italian wine that can be found in my collection. Powerful crap. I'll tell you that much. If you're not careful it'll knock you on your ass in a minute.

Oh proverbial sigh.

I want to go back on vacation.

Which reminds me, Fake Steve is doing just fine. All that Apple bull - yeah, he's got it under control. Details are on the down low, or whatever they say nowadays. Rest assured, he'll be fine. So don't worry about worrying about my worrying about FSJ. All is well in the faux Apple kingdom, and Dear Leader will let it all blow over in no time.

Well...

Looks like I'm gonna get to gift wrapping. Then I'll be off to sleep so I can wait for this man to crawl down my chimney, and raid my home for no good purpose. He probably just wants to scope the place so Vinny, Vito, and Lenny the Squid can take me out.

Oh man. Nogasaki's taking affect.

Yup. Goodnight.

I can't even take my own advice.

Ridiculous, right?

That nog. I swear...

Anyway, I was watching The Office tonight, and I had an epiphany. No I didn't see this man again.

It involves Saki, and Nog. What can I make from this you ask? Nogasaki.

That's right. You read that. Nogasaki.

Saki... and Nog... and I want it.

Another thing I realized I have to see a new film coming out soon, one you may know. Surprised? I know! It's on your level! Walk Hard, my friends. The Dewey Cox story. Anyone notice the fact that it's a parody of Johnny Cash, yet the movie poster is a play on a Doors album cover? I hear ya.

Thought I'd fill you in. I have a killer headache. You can guess it's from whatever the hell is inside that magical carton of wonderment.

Oh. The Mitchell Report. Funny stuff. Maybe the Yankees can go out and buy another 26 championships. Who's gonna step up? I want to see a bigass MYBADSON from some huge airhead that "accidentally" took steroids to bat balls around at 200mph.

Honestly. Just go grab a Monte Carlo off eBay and head to Daytona. You'll be much safer. Try taking mind altering drugs and driving in Nascar. Yeah. That's what I thought.

Just Say No

You have no idea. Honestly.

You kids think you've got it bad, with your worrying that you could get addicted to drugs or something. Let me tell you. Your school teachers don't know jack.

Notice at all how I haven't been around here, or anywhere for that fact in a while?

I'm telling you. It can become a major problem. No, not the drugs or the alcohol. I'm talking about cream colored holiday cheer. The kind of shit that can land you behind bars if you decide to take your fathers deep purple '72 GTO out after a tall cold one. Some of you are thinking, no, this can't happen to me... but yes, it could happen.

You probably think it's funny or something. How can I get hooked on some drink? It's not like Pepsi. When you pour this ice cold brew, you immediately lose sight of everything around you. That could happen, and probably will.

It's unreal. It really is, but let me tell you, it's the real thing. It's strong stuff, no matter what you think, and no matter how much you believe, and no matter how you try to water it down.

Friends, family, apprentices, clansmen...

Stay the hell away from eggnog this holiday season. Think of your kids. Please.