OBAMA!!!

It's been 50 days people.

50 days. There's something political about that number. I'm not sure why.

That's almost, if I do the math correctly, a mathematical shitload of days.

What has happened since the 15th of September?

Lots.

Tony Fadell is leaving Apple, which is a shame because he was great with the iPod, but now wants to be a regular iFather to regular iChildren. Can't say I blame him on that one. At least his children won't make him do 90 hours a week.

Steve released new Aluminum MacBooks to the world. Thank you, Steve, oh forgetter of the Mac Mini - the little GodBox that so many Windows users turn to when their Gateway towers turn themselves into burnt toast for no other reason just because... Garbage.

So what else has been going on with my people of earth?

Oh, that's right. A little holiday fell upon us in which the premise seems to be that small unsightly children whom haven't bathed in days awaiting sugar and other garbage to rot their teeth show up at your doorstep and scream some slogan that they got from God knows where demanding the candy which they have knowingly so rightfully earned because of their dedication and helpfulness to the community in which they live only to come back hours later after they have taken your hypersnacks to toss rolls of asspaper and unhatched chickens at your place of residency simply because they have nothing better to do since their mothers have gone out to gamble away the preceding months paychecks and their overweight fathers are at home in their skivvies watching the newest episode of Mad Men.

Anyway, you all deserve another one of my excusplanations. I've been gone because there was no way I could handle an insightful critique blog like this without hundreds of requests to talk about Da 'Lection. Truth be told, I received no requests to do anything political, but I did receive a vision. No, I don't have a dream. I have an Obama.

AMEN I SAY UNTO YOU!

Barack Obama is to become our BushReplacement. Took long enough.

I don't believe though I gave up the chance to make fun of this. That's ok. I will in the future. I can't give that up - honestly. Rock on, Palin. Rock on.

I want to close on something inspirational that I remembered I heard a while ago.

It's not that life is so short it's that you're dead for so long.

Make the most of your pre-eternal slumber people. Live crispy.

Skippy has returned to the building.

iMac Touch?

Have you people seen this image? This is by far my favorite of all.

Lately, there has been a lot of speculation around the tech community - namely the Apple Faithful - as to what the world will be treated to when Steve Jese-obs steps out onto the stage at this year's Macworld. Oh, how it seemed like a short time ago that planet earth was treated to the iPhone. Which by the way, I still don't own.

The thing is, everyone knows that Steve will be granting us some sort of thin laptop. There's no doubt. Even if there is some doubt. He's going to change lives again. He needs to work for Light Up A Life. I swear to God he does.

That mockup above, yeah that's the one I'm gunning for. The principle is that it is a tablet-like touch screen... thing, and it slides into an iMac-like dock. The whole thing then basically converts to a desktop-like iMac-like touch-like thing, and I probably just confused the hell out of you.

Ok.

Tablet pops into a dock that looks like an iMac, and while it's there, it charges for future portable use, as well as the fact that you can use it as a desktop with a standard Apple keyboard and mouse.

Then there are some things like this which just look like big iPhones, then there's this that look just like MacBooks, but with a huge trackpad for multi-touch functionality, and then there are things like this that are just optional if you want to stand out and look like the biggest egomaniac in your city.

Personally, I'd like a touch tablet type of thing. A 10 inch iPhone would be great. Especially if it plugged in to a 20 inch iMac-dock.

Speculation is great stuff. This is what Steve does best. He gets up our hope so much for an item, that we start going insane over 5 dozen fake mockups that are collectively little pieces of a product that he somehow makes us need even if there's no fesable way that we would go out and buy it. There's still some sort of spontaneous interest in the product for some random reason.

Which explains why I'm basically poor and want an iPhone. Which also reminds me, for some reason, that I have some things to get to on eBay. Some insanely great products. Some really great... Ok I'll stop. I'm looking for a Green Day EP. That I've only found from a seller in Britain. Of course. My friendly folks from across the pond come through for me again. Thanks, my fellow scone lovers!

Not the brightest knife in the shed

Some people just have know idea what they want to do with their lives. Some want to be officers of the law, others just want to be me. While the second is impossible, there are other things you can strive for in your life. Just don't expect too much. The more you expect, the harder you're let down when you fail miserably and then blame yourself, which you rightly should.

That's ok. I forgive you though.

Anyway, the Interweb can be an interesting place. Yes, I know. A lot of people can't be trusted. Like the ones that lie about themselves and half of the crap they do, or then there are those that have no lives so they make an online alter-ego for some unknown sick reason, or there are even people that use the internet just so they can hope to meet 14 year old kids, but that's why we have this man to keep us all safe.

There are however those like me. The elite. The higher mind. The power. Then there are some that don't get that. When I tell you not to touch the hot stove, that means if I see you near it, I'm going to beat you with copper electrical wire. Are we clear?

I just figured this would be the opportune time to let you know where I stand. Why did I bring this up just now? Come on, you can't guess? What else is the basis to everything I ever do? No, surprisingly not Steve Jobs. Close.

Apple Inc. That's what. Ok, and Steve Jobs. Come on though, have you ever talked to the man? Pure genius. David Pogue knows what I'm talking about. By the way, yeah, he's right up there on the Jobsian level.

Now, when I tell you that Apple Computers are great and amazing and the shit and all that hip jive talk, do you think I'm feeding you bull, or joking? Do I joke? I don't joke. If you think I am, then you're funnier than you know. I thought I liked Vista. Then I knew that I didn't. See? Simple as that.

My point tis evening kids, believe what I say. Don't go against someone when it involves something you have no comprehension of.

There's not a whole hell of a lot of forgiveness I can offer for that. Idiocy is worth about 72 cents. Which won't get you a McDonald's Snack Wrap. Which means that you must have just hit rock bottom in new levels of low. Look on the bright side. If you were a goldfish, none of that would matter.

See, you'll be fine.

If you don't fail.

So don't do it.

Fail.

As in don't fail.

Even though you probably will.