Walmart gets iPhoned

I am here to tell you, faithful loving Walmart employee that I am, that we will 100% positively surely will be selling the 8gb iPhone at Walmart. The 16gb version may or may not be reserved for Apple and AT&T, so we're unsure if we're going to land that or not. If Best Buy didn't, we probably won't. They're freaking Best Buy.

Oh, and this is the image on PCWorld, it's not mine. MacRumors also has it as a whole - computer, Wire cardboard prop, and all.

Where's the negative in this? The clothing sections of Walmart have nothing to do with electronics.

Why does that matter? I want to sell people motha' fuckin' iPhones.

Anyway it goes, I will be in the same place that sells iPhones, and that's an awesome idea. I'll be feet away from them 4 or 5 days a week. It's like I just gained custody of my adopted children after never seeing them. Which makes no sense. Which makes me a bit like Brad Pitt.

All the info just appeared on "The Wire". That's the big fancy name for the collection of stupid shitsy computer games we have to play when we're hired or rehired at that joint, and all the info that we could possibly never want as employees of such a fine upstanding redneck establishment.

I'll see what else I get later on this week, and I'll see if I can get pictures. I'll see. You'll see.

Watch there be nothing and it doesn't hit our store. That would be my luck.

Maybe this will finally give me some cred. I finally got some dirt on the truth. When people around the world see that Skippy has done it, I will be able to prove that I am amazing. I'm Skippy.

StormBerry

Here we go again.

iPhone clone haters, rejoice. We now have a new product to loathe, rub between our shoe and concrete, play frisbee with, and naturally mock accordingly on all major tech websites so long as RIM sees fit to produce something that so blatantly copies the now #1 phone on the market today.

So, which would you want. The sleek and forever amazing iPhone, or the Vista-like Wow of a new Blackberry Storm. You have a choice. What is yourx? Which makes me ask myself, why doesn't that thing autocorrect? Incapable? Oops.

Still, props. Look at that amazingly colorful home screen with it's neatly organized user friendly interface. Now that's a product that draws me in. Just take a look at what you could be getting! Ease of use, simplicity, minimalism, a cheap and light feel, and that's just the beginning. It also comes the satisfaction of owning a piece of history... Or something... I guess.

This just inspires me to customize my car in some obnoxious way. I can't stand 3 things. Bad cuisine, overcooked pasta, and iPhone clones. Maybe there are more, but that's all I can think of right now. Damn clones. Didn't the Government say this wasn't allowed or something? Honestly.

Mr Africa himself? No not Oprah.

Some big shit is going down in the JobsBlog thanks to the U fucking 2 frontman. (Or someone that desperately wants to be him.) Apparently, Bono (yes, that Bono) is posting (as himself) on the Fake Steve Jobs blog. Now, let me try to figure this out. You would go to a blog that is one giant parody, and try to preach whatever you want as truth? I doesn't work like that.

Still, it's slightly amusing.

His preaching of a Product Red GodPhone has half of the internet abuzz with the glory and braging rights that can only come with owning this handheld piece of history.

Imagine it. Really. Walking by holding a 3.5 inch screen with the ability to watch a cult of high school children drop their jaws to the floor just because you're downloading the remix of A Little Less Conversation directly to a device you shelled out a half a grand for just months earlier while they were asleep in their mothers basement the morning you were in line at your local AT&T store. Unless you were someone like this who happened to oversleep so much that after two days of wetting yourself, you didn't even make it into the store because of the the previous night's encounter with Jim Bean, Jack Daniels and Captain Morgan.

Could this be true? After all, there have been rumors about a Deep Red iPhone being shipped to AT&T sometime before the holidays. I know one person with iPod-Wifi-Phone. I know enough not to go out and buy the Voyager. I know how I want to order my tomato pie - via a touch screen with tons of pretty little touch button things. Why? Well, because I'm an american, and why shouldn't I shell out half a grand for a cell phone?

Spreading the iPod Love

This is how planet earth is. You know you're a genius when you can have groups of your friends want an iPod after telling them day in and day out about how great they are and how much better they're lives would be if they had one. I've gotten 2 people to directly go out and buy iPod Nanos. One tricks his out with any glorious accessory that fits his love child, and the other went out to the Apple Store just to get the Product Red version. Now, someone else wants the new 3rd gen Nano. The love spreads. I told you all the 60's would be right back!

Now it's not even stopping there. My business partner Joe has an iPhone. Fucking loves the thing. He gives free demos when anyone asks about it like he works for Apple already. Which, ok, we basically do, Steve Jobs just doesn't know it yet. You see, he now has 2 other people planning on buying it in the near future, and dozens upon dozens of others that can only drool over it... because I guess they can't even use iTunes with their VistaBoxes. Go figure. Thanks to Gizmodo warning all of those I haven't reached yet through my extensive grasp. Reason #2 why I don't own an iBrick, #1 being that I used iTunes to sync to my iPod only once. So I could update it. Finally.

Oh, yes, details you ask? Sure. It's a 30 gb 5.5 gen. Oh, and yes, it's snow white.

What does Vistard do for me instead, to ease my frustrations? It tells me I can no longer watch Pirates of Silicon Valley on my snow white iPod, because the file wasn't... I don't even know. It wasn't perfect I guess. A bit picky aren't we Mr. Gates? My question of the week. Will Vista ever get out of it's seemingly permanent beta stage?

I can't wait to claim former Vista user status.