OBAMA!!!

It's been 50 days people.

50 days. There's something political about that number. I'm not sure why.

That's almost, if I do the math correctly, a mathematical shitload of days.

What has happened since the 15th of September?

Lots.

Tony Fadell is leaving Apple, which is a shame because he was great with the iPod, but now wants to be a regular iFather to regular iChildren. Can't say I blame him on that one. At least his children won't make him do 90 hours a week.

Steve released new Aluminum MacBooks to the world. Thank you, Steve, oh forgetter of the Mac Mini - the little GodBox that so many Windows users turn to when their Gateway towers turn themselves into burnt toast for no other reason just because... Garbage.

So what else has been going on with my people of earth?

Oh, that's right. A little holiday fell upon us in which the premise seems to be that small unsightly children whom haven't bathed in days awaiting sugar and other garbage to rot their teeth show up at your doorstep and scream some slogan that they got from God knows where demanding the candy which they have knowingly so rightfully earned because of their dedication and helpfulness to the community in which they live only to come back hours later after they have taken your hypersnacks to toss rolls of asspaper and unhatched chickens at your place of residency simply because they have nothing better to do since their mothers have gone out to gamble away the preceding months paychecks and their overweight fathers are at home in their skivvies watching the newest episode of Mad Men.

Anyway, you all deserve another one of my excusplanations. I've been gone because there was no way I could handle an insightful critique blog like this without hundreds of requests to talk about Da 'Lection. Truth be told, I received no requests to do anything political, but I did receive a vision. No, I don't have a dream. I have an Obama.

AMEN I SAY UNTO YOU!

Barack Obama is to become our BushReplacement. Took long enough.

I don't believe though I gave up the chance to make fun of this. That's ok. I will in the future. I can't give that up - honestly. Rock on, Palin. Rock on.

I want to close on something inspirational that I remembered I heard a while ago.

It's not that life is so short it's that you're dead for so long.

Make the most of your pre-eternal slumber people. Live crispy.

Skippy has returned to the building.

Texas vs Nature

I assume you people have seen the news. I hope you have. It's better than Saturday Night Live. Then again, I'd rather watch C-Span.

Ike slammed Galveston in a spectacular rush of wind, water, and filth. Does anyone remember a tiny little storm called Katrina, that wiped a city off the face of the earth? For the life of me, I won't understand why anyone would stay during the mandatory evacuation. You know what? Stay and suffer.

I wonder how fast the rich white people will get back to Texas, compared to the poor african americans of New Orleans. Apparently, as our recently imprisoned friend Kanye West once said, "George Bush don't like black people"... Well, he doesn't really, but he sure does love Texas! You know his redneck ass is gonna haul back to Crawford to clean up his front porch the second he gets a free chance. I give that until Tuesday.

I'm awake at this obscene hour. Why? The Today Show.

Continuous coverage of this storm that was the size of the state it hit. If I see one more interview of one more redneck who lost his 3 story condo to a storm, and who's life was only made worse because he stayed, I'm going to run down my clean non-flooded street screaming.

Here's an idea, did anyone down south see the news? Anyone see this thing on local or national weather broadcasts? It's not like it was hard to miss. Someone explain to me why anyone stayed. I don't get it. You know that your house is just going to fall on you and you may end up just floating a few towns away on your front door.

Rebuild, redecorate, buy crap for your mobile homes all the way up to your gated mansions. I feel bad for everyone involved because this shouldn't be happening in today's society, but if you're stupid to make it worse on yourself, I don't know what to say. Read through the rest of my blog perhaps.

Good luck people. Peace. Watch out for those waves.

Wait, what?

Why the hell did I say price drop on Shuffle? I meant color changes. Were they gonna drop the price to $9.99?

I'm a genius.

Speaking of which, that's a great feature isn't it? Didn't see that coming.

Pre-Apple Event Ritual

So it's going down. Are you ready to rock Keith Richards style? Minus the coconut tree.

Like before all iEvents, Skippy is here to help you out in all of your last minute shopping needs. What can you buy your annoying little nephew that bites this holiday season? Well, aside from one of those monkey/backpack/leashes, you'll be seeing plenty of great new iProducts in just a few hours.

Let me explain.

I know what goes down. I just do. How? Who knows. It's a gift. An iGift.

I'm going to run down the list:
Price drop on the Shuffle
Price drop on the Classic
A newly redesigned Nano that's been splashed all over the Interwebs
An iPod Touch with more curves than your size 0 dream date
iTunes 8 - yes, because everything should be as good in thousands of squares.

Remember that multicolored rumor? Bullshit. Those muti-colors are going to be in the form of an expanded color palette for the Nanos / Shuffles. No, you won't be seeing Dalmation or Flower Power iPods. Sorry.

Steve's gonna go all out. No iPod is safe when it comes to the yearly September update in 2008. If you're really good, you may even see colors on that iTouch.

That's right, I said iTouch instead of iPod Touch to save time, instead of taking the time out of my day to say 2 words instead of 1.

For all you kiddies that think your pet peeve is hearing the word iTouch, I have this to say to you:
iTouch iTouch iTouch iTouch iTouch iTouch iTouch iTouch iTouch iTouch...

I'll be seeing you all later! Enjoy your day, and Steve, prove to the world you're just fine.

He looks better. Trust me. It was a bug, and he isn't sick. He's Steven P. Jobs. What the hell on earth would make him sick? Sars? The Plague? He's immortal. That's all there is to it. Just like the iPod.

Peace fellow iLovers. May your wallet be bountiful, and your credit cards maxed, en lieu of iDay.

iTouch.

Yo Quero Musico

Every single damn Latino song has the same beat.

Why?

I'm not bashing you if you happen to be Puerto Rican, Cuban, Mexican, Texican, or work at a Taco Bell, but JESUS.

Get some imagination people. Pull a Bono. Mix it up a bit.

Yeah, that's about it.

I want a Crunch Wrap now.