Skippy's iPhone Event Predictions

"It's been a long time. How have you been?"

To quote Aaron Lewis, "It's been a while" since I've done a prediction post regarding an Apple Event. So I figured I owed it to you.

You should suspect that there is no redesigned iPhone, given that we have very little to go on regarding new hardware leaks. I'll go on the record and say that the iPhone 4S / 5 is an updated iPhone 4. Apple is all about how the iPhone "feels in the hand".

The iPod Touch is the polar opposite of that mantra. It feels like crap holding it to your ear, and rightfully so, since it's not made to be held like that. A tapered iPod Touch certainly is. All of these tapered rumors are for the iPod Touch, and those might not even happen this year. The iPod Touch is only going to go white and gain the A5 this year. Tapered designs are on hold, if not for next year, then indefinitely. I'm 99.9% certain.

Will the iPod Classic hit the end of the road? Good news. No. It's still too early, and to give a product the axe so close to its 10th anniversary at Apple would insulting to the iPod itself. It says that no matter how long a product works well and remains wholly unchanged, there's always a chance that it's on the chopping block. It's strange, but it's the only explanation I have. The Classic will not only go unmentioned again this year, it will be untouched - pun intended.

The iPod Shuffle on the other hand is not safe. It's the iPod that no one really ever talks about. You don't hear that often how "I love my iPod Shuffle" or "I wish Apple added (Insert worthless feature here) to the iPod Shuffle" - it just doesn't happen. Maybe the iPod Shuffle is perfect the way it is? Hell, Apple went right back to what it was two generations ago with minor alterations. HELL! Even the iPod Nano is now based off of the iPod Shuffle!

That all adds up to a big problem. The Nano has now evolved to handle the only thing the iPod Nano is good for - a clip-on-and-go music player. Its design was proven the way it was a few years back, and it proven again now that Apple brought the design right back. How do you evolve it without upsetting people? You don't. Everyone gets pissed off when you do.

The Shuffle is closer to the end of its life than the Classic, and no one realizes it. At least with the Classic, people always want a storage bump. People never request the Shuffle gains anything. There's a reason for that.

So that leaves the Nano. It's possible that it will get a storage bump, a price drop, or maybe even both. There was also a rumor a while back that referred to the implementation of a camera in the Nano. How cool would that be? The world's most compact and portable camera? I might buy one just for that reason. AS LONG AS IT CAN TAKE STILL PHOTOS IF IT CAN TAKE VIDEO. Excuse me, fifth generation Clickwheel Nano? HEAR THAT?

Referring finally to iCloud, I believe that our hopes of seeing it under Snow Leopard are bogus. A screenshot went around a while back that v10.6.9 would include it. You know the only problem with that? The v. Apple NEVER adds little V's in front of an OS version number. iCloud, for us iUsers will be Lion-Only.

Yes, to get the free iCloud, you need to upgrade to Lion for $29. Would you expect anything less? I think not. Either you get your PPC apps under 10.6, or you get iCloud under 10.7. You can't have both. Apple doesn't roll that way.

Did I hit it all? I think so. Two and a half hours to go now, folks! We'll find out soon enough, won't we? I'll grade myself after the event. Stay tuned.

I'LL ACE IT. LIKE I ACE LIFE. FTW... Or whatever the kids say.

Who Wants To Buy Ad Space?

So I had another epiphany. I want to make money because I'm greedy. I have ad space on my blog. This makes me put 2 + 2 together. It comes out to something around 5, actually.

I want to know if there are companies, advertisers, businesses, websites, or anything / anyone at all that is willing to buy ad space from me. Now, this is where things get interesting.

Maybe I can expand beyond my blog. Let's think Nascar. A giant company ad on the hood, trunk, fenders, and doors costs a certain amount of money. I'd be willing to sell ad space on my car, which gets parked in the lot of 2 local colleges as well as countless grocery stores. I'd be willing to sell ad space on the lid of my laptop that everyone sees. I'd be willing to walk around in company t-shirts for what it's worth.

Out of absolute curiosity, I'm wondering if anyone is willing to start buying out little bits of potential advertising space that already travel with me regardless.

Let the offers flow!

We're All Going To Die

That being said, and that amazing helmet idea (thanks to explodingdog) taken into consideration, I have to say... We're all going to die.

I was falling asleep last night pretty early. It was about 2:00am. Just after I washed my feet Lord-Style and climbed into bed, I heard a voice. Yup, 'twas none other than good buddy Jesus. I wasn't necessarily listening because I was watching my recorded episode of American Chopper, and there was something about death and chocolates going on... Or something close.

Jesus was all like, "Yo, listen up. I've been thinking. Stuff's going down, and it's gonna go down hard. Bears are melting and the polar ice is slowly dying off, or so I was told." I was all, "I know Jesus, I know. What's the issue?"

Jesus was all like, "Yo, you aren't listening. I SENT A TORNADO YOUR WAY, and no one seems to care. You're in the Mohawk Valley. Things like this don't happen in places like that. The second largest Nuclear disaster EVER is happening right now - and that shit just got kicked up to a SEVEN - a huge earthquake happened under water that sent aftershocks well into the next month, Walmart is getting sued, and people are blaming Apple for something bad. Does this all add up yet? Does it add up to anything good if it does?"

I was all... "Well, it means that the Apple products sold at Walmart containing primarily Japanese components will all be going on sale pretty soon."

Jesus just shook his head.

Then he said, "I was actually looking at the white iPad 2."

I was like, "There you go, Jesus." We had a good laugh.

Then Al Gore came in, dressed like an Alaskan King Crab. He started yammering about animal conservation in colder regions. I promptly told him to go "pound sand", and that "I love seafood."

Then I woke up.

Moral of the story: No pizza before bed, no terrors in your head.

Apple Employees Speak On Behalf Of The Trevor Project

After watching the full video intently about The Trevor Project on MacRumors, and reading 19 posts in to the accompanying thread, I was trying to see what morons could have voted negative on a video and write-up like that.

I was wrong to think that only a moron could vote negative on it, and even though I didn't need to admit what I thought, I'd rather admit that what I thought was wrong. 20 posts in, there was a comment from a user that I really liked:

"I have a couple problems with this approach. There's so much attention brought to this issue of specifically gay bullying that it's hard to see this outside of the framework of identity politics.

Where's the videos and support for fat kids being bullied? Aren't they suicidal, too, or are we saying here that gays have a particular emotional defect and weakness? They're not strong enough to tough this out? Is that the image the gay community wants to promote?

Man, being a fat kid in high school. That was rough. There were a number of cool, popular gay guys in my school. I'm sure they took some crap from some people, but oh how I would have rather been one of them! But hey, I'm still here, I'm still alive.

Bullying is a universal problem that affects just about anyone with some kind of difference others choose to pick on. It seems like everyone is just ignoring all that for this hip, trendy cause."

I see where he's coming from. I believe that this movement was primarily brought on my the hit TV show GLEE, with that main character that is gay, and is bullied all the time. I have to say, I've yet to see a movement to reach out to the overweight - those "fat" people. In which, I hate that F word more than Fuck.

I have seen many outreach programs to the homosexual; gay, whatever you'd like to call it. I see a massive arm hugging that community and embracing them with sympathy and kind words.

Then I turn on the television.

I see Dr. Phil ripping people's personal lives open, along with their fridge, to pry and interrogate why they're overweight. I see reality shows about the half-ton-teenager. I see no love. I see a society condemning heavy people just because they're overweight.

I similarly see many "For Homosexual Children" programs at school. I see no "For Overweight Children" programs - I see absurdly emphasized Physical Education programs, where emphasis is on playing Basketball and Baseball well, and if you can't handle it, then too bad; learn.

I do have to say, I voted positive on that article, because this video and this cause is excellent. My argument here seems negative because we've only begun to cater to one group. We need to embrace and care about everyone for all reasons - not just because everyone else is doing it. Doing that, don't we just get right back to where we started?

Damn...

That was extremely Un-Skippy.

Holy crap.

News about the hysterical side of natural disaster coming up soon!

Enquirer Picks On Steve Jobs

On one hand, I have to say that even if it's true, it's like Mike said. I've had relatives in for cancer treatment, and each time, the end result was 'cancer-free'. However, those people still see cancer treatment specialists for check-ups. Cancer is a thing where, once you get it, you get checked in on for the rest of your life. That's the only way there is to learn anything about it.

On the other hand, I do actually believe this one is bogus, for a number of reasons.

A) When have we ever seen Steve wear a button down? I'm not saying mock-turtlenecks are all the man has, but I've yet to ever see him in a button down anything. Not even a full button down suit.

B) In the picture on the left, look at his hair. Steve has always had very short salt-&-pepper hair. The person in this picture has a rather long little tuft of hair flapping in the breeze. Let's remember that he had cancer. The last thing that would happen is a sudden burst of hair growth.

C) In the picture where his hand is circled (for who knows what reason) he's leaning up against a car. Unless he stepped off a curb, stumbled, and caught himself, I don't think he'd just lean up against a car. A car which certainly does not have a Mercedes-Benz tail light.