We're All Going To Die

That being said, and that amazing helmet idea (thanks to explodingdog) taken into consideration, I have to say... We're all going to die.

I was falling asleep last night pretty early. It was about 2:00am. Just after I washed my feet Lord-Style and climbed into bed, I heard a voice. Yup, 'twas none other than good buddy Jesus. I wasn't necessarily listening because I was watching my recorded episode of American Chopper, and there was something about death and chocolates going on... Or something close.

Jesus was all like, "Yo, listen up. I've been thinking. Stuff's going down, and it's gonna go down hard. Bears are melting and the polar ice is slowly dying off, or so I was told." I was all, "I know Jesus, I know. What's the issue?"

Jesus was all like, "Yo, you aren't listening. I SENT A TORNADO YOUR WAY, and no one seems to care. You're in the Mohawk Valley. Things like this don't happen in places like that. The second largest Nuclear disaster EVER is happening right now - and that shit just got kicked up to a SEVEN - a huge earthquake happened under water that sent aftershocks well into the next month, Walmart is getting sued, and people are blaming Apple for something bad. Does this all add up yet? Does it add up to anything good if it does?"

I was all... "Well, it means that the Apple products sold at Walmart containing primarily Japanese components will all be going on sale pretty soon."

Jesus just shook his head.

Then he said, "I was actually looking at the white iPad 2."

I was like, "There you go, Jesus." We had a good laugh.

Then Al Gore came in, dressed like an Alaskan King Crab. He started yammering about animal conservation in colder regions. I promptly told him to go "pound sand", and that "I love seafood."

Then I woke up.

Moral of the story: No pizza before bed, no terrors in your head.