Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Media Center

Am I the only one noticing this?

I can't be... and this can't be true.

Windows Media Center. We've all taken a look at it, maybe even use it, but other than a wad of unorganized programs, what is it?

Well. One might say that it's a suite of applications with it's own mini operating system within Windows. If you're a Mac user, this may sound familiar.

Like, oh I don't know, Front Row?

When you enter Media Center, you're suddenly greeted by a blue ocean of options. Photos, Music, Movies, etc.

...and my mind just told me that I'm defending a Windows product. Screw this.

Post over.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Behold. JesusPhone.

So I've gone on a 10 day leave without warning or reason.

Damn, I got your reason right here.

Even Trent Reznor is late to things. So blame me. You'll live on.

I'm here now. right? That's right.

I think I need to share a story - a revelation - an epiphany - that I had in the deepest of slumbers. It was about the one and only (thus far, I'm not allowed to give details) GodPhone... and yes, I'm a religious Italian - so before you go telling me this is wrong, keep in mind I'm in good with my pal Jesus, and the Don of all Dons. So word.

I know how Jesus felt with his old carrier, really. He's all, "Man, I ain't got no service anywhere." So I'm all, "Ok Jesus, I got you." I explained to him the wonders that fit in your pocket along with 5 hours of battery life, and he's blown away that he essentially created this thing.

So I see him again like 5 days later, and he's all, "Man, I saw what you were talking about in a vision of mine, and I hear ya - touch is the way to go." Jesus had a 3rd gen iPod for I don't know how long, and he loved the lights and the touch sensitive buttons and all I guess, so he was basically in awe of this thing. He likes the email most of all. He even went and made a custom ringtone. Norman Greenbaum's Spirit in the Sky. Go figure - Greenbaum was Jewish.

Anyway, I guess Jesus is really pleased with his new iPod / Phone / Internet Communications Device. He's all "Wow. This iPhone thing, yeah, I'm down with it. This is great." So, naturally, I'm all, "Not as good as you, Jesus!" He tried finding himself on Google Maps. Come to find out, he has 2 places - here or here. He said that was ok that they got it wrong though, he didn't expect they would be able to put him everywhere.

We had ourselves a laugh and he hopped in Elvis's pink Cadillac, playing the remake of Pink Cadillac by Jerry Lee Lewis, and that was about it. He said he was going to see what he could help out with in Decision '08.

Good times, good times.

I'm glad to be back all, thank you. I'll try to warn you next time I disappear for mass amounts of time. Wouldn't want you to get worried, now would I?

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Cart Jacking: America's Threat

Have you ever been to Wal*Mart and been Cart Jacked?

This happens when someone comes up to your cart and just walks or runs off with it. Full or not.

This happened to a friend of mine tonight. DON'T LET IT HAPPEN TO YOU.

He stopped his empty cart a few feet from him to talk to me, and as he did, a woman with a pack of bottled water came up to his cart and asked if it was his. She may look harlmess, but looks won't tell you shit. He responds, clearly, "yes"... So the woman then puts her water in the cart and strolls off.


Cart Jacked.

Ways to prevent this from happening to YOU:
1) Always leave any spare children you may own in your cart. No one else wants your kids, believe me.
2) Never leave your cart unattended. Especially if empty or more than 4 feet from the most outreached point of your hand.
3) If your cart is empty, for the love of God, put something in it. Else you are just begging to be swindled.
4) Try to guard your cart. If you see someone coming towards it, start yelling in Japanese. No one likes Japanese screaming.
5) Most importantly, if it can not be prevented, be sure that you know where the hunting supplies are in your local Wal*Mart. The faster you can get there and back, the faster another Cart Jacker will be thwarted in their evil efforts.

God's speed.

Be careful out there.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Another 5 Day Leave

You know. This is unacceptable.

This crap with my being out for work instead of here trying to treat you all to what you want. What is that? Me.

I hear your cries, your sobs, and your plea bargains at night - flooding me with iChat-like sounds. They come in the form of text messages on iPhone. Free ones. Using JiveTalk from BeeJive.

Go figure, they didn't even pay me for that - it's that good.

In a later post, probably my next one, I will be describing to you, my impressions of iPhone. However in the meanwhile... I will leave you with this. A close relative to one Skippy Thorson decided that, after many years, it was also time for a Cell Phone upgrade.

I leave this to the Kyocera 2119b.

To the Phone that always did his best.
Turning on.
Glowing green.
He will be surely missed.
Where ever your new home should be.
Rest up for the spirit in the sky.
Which is a good Norman Greenbaum song.
and look towards the future.
A future filled with rest and relaxation.
One filled with no dropped calls or inadequate technology. All phones are created equal.
And you are one of them.
Namaste, Purple Phone. Namaste.
I bow to you, Kyocera 2119b.

More to come with iPhone in the future.

Friday, February 8, 2008


I just realized I haven't been here in 5 days.

Quick update - considering it's like 12:30 am...

I finally have a job, and that's always good. I finally joined the Working Poor. I'll be working my ass off for the rest of my life now trying to make a living doing shift work for a paycheck that leaves me $100 spending cash.

Ok $40.



That's right holmes. I finally got me the phone to end all phones. I've had it for just over 24 hours.

I love it.

It's everything I thought it would be and more. However, even after the 16gb update, I went for the 8gb.

I compared it with a friend, and the screen is a little different, it's a little lighter, and my engraving of the iPhone name and details on the back is a little different. The metal on the back might even be different but it could by my imagination.

I'll fill you all in soon.

I bet you can't guess where I'm working. Hint - my store beats your store.

Sunday, February 3, 2008


There's always next year. They'll pull off another undefeated season and then crush whoever they face at the Superbowl.

Yes. The Patriots just won. A Moral victory. That's what it is.

It's as simple as that. Yes, I live in New York, but can the Giants say they had a 1-off perfect season? Didn't think so. The end.

Friday, February 1, 2008

Productivity Increased

I just thought I'd share, that I have finally stepped up onto an even higher platform than the rest of earth.

I finally got Roadrunner. Much better than DSL.

Yes. Perhaps I'm behind on the times. I have a large mess to clean up - thank you general uneducated public.

Tomorrow. I finally start work. Holy crap...

Never fear Mr. Walton, in the words of Mrs. Doubtfire, help is on the way.