Wednesday, December 31, 2008

In Other Zune News...

Most of the new firmware 30gb Microsoft Zunes fail world wide (and some 80gb), thanks in part to Ozone radiating from Redmond computer terminals, and Steve Ballmer's bald spot. More at 11.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Skippy + MacRumors

I finally, for once in my life, made the front page of the holy site of MacRumors.

Some of you may say that it's merely a site with nothing more than Mac rumors, but you're wrong. The show is run by whom I consider to be a columnist genius, Arnold Kim, affectionately known everywhere around the Interwebs as Arn.

Also doing some amazing work on Touch Arcade, which I follow just as ritualistically, and dominating all of the readers that are looking for the latest info in Stevedom - as far as I'm concerned, he is the single best go to for anything Apple aside from the company website.

Yes. That's why I'm excited. As I've said before - oh (day after) holy day.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

The Ad - The Pictures - The 3G

I said it - and I delivered once again. Here is the coming ad from Walmart. The iPhone 3G is proudly displayed on the cover announcing it's presence at Redneck HQ. The world can spin once more.

9:00am on December 28th, these things go on sale. I'd say, come 9:10am, they'll be gone.

I told you all! No one listens to me. I tell them something, and they doubt me, and they go against what I say, and then they end up being wrong and I end up being right, and then they asked me how I was right and how I knew, and then I tell them that I'm always right, and then they believe me, and then, the next thing comes up and the cycle restarts.

Well. I did it. I'm exceptionally proud of myself. You're welcome.

MacRumors, Macenstein, MacSoda, Engadget... Here comes Skippy.

Monday, December 22, 2008


I did it! I snagged the official Walmart ad that comes out this weekend with the iPhone on the cover. I will upload the image when I get home - which means a half hour after I get to relax. By 1:00am I will have the image posted here in this blog for the world to see. The Walmart ad image that was floating around a while back was accurate - $197 with the bigass iPhone 3G on the cover. Amen!!! I have news!!!!!

In the meanwhile, go to for more info. At least that's what the ad says.

Also on the bottom, it lists "Event Dates: Sunday, December 28, 2008 - Saturday, January 3, 2009".

I. So. Rock.

Tekkeon myPower for iPhone

I think I'm just going to have to turn this place into something halfway between a blog containing intellectual worldly insights and an Apple rumor site.

I got wind of an upcoming product along the lines of a case that includes a battery pack that charges / powers the iPhone. Status on sale only say it's "Coming Soon". The Tekkeon myPower page is right here. Interesting, and not as ugly as some of the others.

That, and Pepsi is coming up with a mobile site for the iPhone. Hit up, and you'll come up with a picture of the new can. The main Pepsi site got overhauled recently.

Rumor reporting is new and different. Sorta like fruitcake. Or nog.

I love nog.

Sunday, December 21, 2008


Are we all happy now? If I could find where the iPhones in the office are kept, I would snap a few shots of those, but this is the best I can do for now.

Skippy loves you too. You're welcome. Merry Christmas. All that.

Not only that, I posted that within the hour I promised here. Sometimes I amaze me.

Feel free to email me, comment, rave, complain, or claim I photoshopped my iPhone's camera's picture. Whatever. It's there. I told you before, I'm telling you now, and I will keep telling you. The iPhone is coming to Walmart. The same iPhones we know that are out right now. I told you.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Walmart gets iPhoned

I am here to tell you, faithful loving Walmart employee that I am, that we will 100% positively surely will be selling the 8gb iPhone at Walmart. The 16gb version may or may not be reserved for Apple and AT&T, so we're unsure if we're going to land that or not. If Best Buy didn't, we probably won't. They're freaking Best Buy.

Oh, and this is the image on PCWorld, it's not mine. MacRumors also has it as a whole - computer, Wire cardboard prop, and all.

Where's the negative in this? The clothing sections of Walmart have nothing to do with electronics.

Why does that matter? I want to sell people motha' fuckin' iPhones.

Anyway it goes, I will be in the same place that sells iPhones, and that's an awesome idea. I'll be feet away from them 4 or 5 days a week. It's like I just gained custody of my adopted children after never seeing them. Which makes no sense. Which makes me a bit like Brad Pitt.

All the info just appeared on "The Wire". That's the big fancy name for the collection of stupid shitsy computer games we have to play when we're hired or rehired at that joint, and all the info that we could possibly never want as employees of such a fine upstanding redneck establishment.

I'll see what else I get later on this week, and I'll see if I can get pictures. I'll see. You'll see.

Watch there be nothing and it doesn't hit our store. That would be my luck.

Maybe this will finally give me some cred. I finally got some dirt on the truth. When people around the world see that Skippy has done it, I will be able to prove that I am amazing. I'm Skippy.

Monday, November 10, 2008


Here we go again.

iPhone clone haters, rejoice. We now have a new product to loathe, rub between our shoe and concrete, play frisbee with, and naturally mock accordingly on all major tech websites so long as RIM sees fit to produce something that so blatantly copies the now #1 phone on the market today.

So, which would you want. The sleek and forever amazing iPhone, or the Vista-like Wow of a new Blackberry Storm. You have a choice. What is yourx? Which makes me ask myself, why doesn't that thing autocorrect? Incapable? Oops.

Still, props. Look at that amazingly colorful home screen with it's neatly organized user friendly interface. Now that's a product that draws me in. Just take a look at what you could be getting! Ease of use, simplicity, minimalism, a cheap and light feel, and that's just the beginning. It also comes the satisfaction of owning a piece of history... Or something... I guess.

This just inspires me to customize my car in some obnoxious way. I can't stand 3 things. Bad cuisine, overcooked pasta, and iPhone clones. Maybe there are more, but that's all I can think of right now. Damn clones. Didn't the Government say this wasn't allowed or something? Honestly.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008


It's been 50 days people.

50 days. There's something political about that number. I'm not sure why.

That's almost, if I do the math correctly, a mathematical shitload of days.

What has happened since the 15th of September?


Tony Fadell is leaving Apple, which is a shame because he was great with the iPod, but now wants to be a regular iFather to regular iChildren. Can't say I blame him on that one. At least his children won't make him do 90 hours a week.

Steve released new Aluminum MacBooks to the world. Thank you, Steve, oh forgetter of the Mac Mini - the little GodBox that so many Windows users turn to when their Gateway towers turn themselves into burnt toast for no other reason just because... Garbage.

So what else has been going on with my people of earth?

Oh, that's right. A little holiday fell upon us in which the premise seems to be that small unsightly children whom haven't bathed in days awaiting sugar and other garbage to rot their teeth show up at your doorstep and scream some slogan that they got from God knows where demanding the candy which they have knowingly so rightfully earned because of their dedication and helpfulness to the community in which they live only to come back hours later after they have taken your hypersnacks to toss rolls of asspaper and unhatched chickens at your place of residency simply because they have nothing better to do since their mothers have gone out to gamble away the preceding months paychecks and their overweight fathers are at home in their skivvies watching the newest episode of Mad Men.

Anyway, you all deserve another one of my excusplanations. I've been gone because there was no way I could handle an insightful critique blog like this without hundreds of requests to talk about Da 'Lection. Truth be told, I received no requests to do anything political, but I did receive a vision. No, I don't have a dream. I have an Obama.


Barack Obama is to become our BushReplacement. Took long enough.

I don't believe though I gave up the chance to make fun of this. That's ok. I will in the future. I can't give that up - honestly. Rock on, Palin. Rock on.

I want to close on something inspirational that I remembered I heard a while ago.

It's not that life is so short it's that you're dead for so long.

Make the most of your pre-eternal slumber people. Live crispy.

Skippy has returned to the building.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Texas vs Nature

I assume you people have seen the news. I hope you have. It's better than Saturday Night Live. Then again, I'd rather watch C-Span.

Ike slammed Galveston in a spectacular rush of wind, water, and filth. Does anyone remember a tiny little storm called Katrina, that wiped a city off the face of the earth? For the life of me, I won't understand why anyone would stay during the mandatory evacuation. You know what? Stay and suffer.

I wonder how fast the rich white people will get back to Texas, compared to the poor african americans of New Orleans. Apparently, as our recently imprisoned friend Kanye West once said, "George Bush don't like black people"... Well, he doesn't really, but he sure does love Texas! You know his redneck ass is gonna haul back to Crawford to clean up his front porch the second he gets a free chance. I give that until Tuesday.

I'm awake at this obscene hour. Why? The Today Show.

Continuous coverage of this storm that was the size of the state it hit. If I see one more interview of one more redneck who lost his 3 story condo to a storm, and who's life was only made worse because he stayed, I'm going to run down my clean non-flooded street screaming.

Here's an idea, did anyone down south see the news? Anyone see this thing on local or national weather broadcasts? It's not like it was hard to miss. Someone explain to me why anyone stayed. I don't get it. You know that your house is just going to fall on you and you may end up just floating a few towns away on your front door.

Rebuild, redecorate, buy crap for your mobile homes all the way up to your gated mansions. I feel bad for everyone involved because this shouldn't be happening in today's society, but if you're stupid to make it worse on yourself, I don't know what to say. Read through the rest of my blog perhaps.

Good luck people. Peace. Watch out for those waves.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Wait, what?

Why the hell did I say price drop on Shuffle? I meant color changes. Were they gonna drop the price to $9.99?

I'm a genius.

Speaking of which, that's a great feature isn't it? Didn't see that coming.

Pre-Apple Event Ritual

So it's going down. Are you ready to rock Keith Richards style? Minus the coconut tree.

Like before all iEvents, Skippy is here to help you out in all of your last minute shopping needs. What can you buy your annoying little nephew that bites this holiday season? Well, aside from one of those monkey/backpack/leashes, you'll be seeing plenty of great new iProducts in just a few hours.

Let me explain.

I know what goes down. I just do. How? Who knows. It's a gift. An iGift.

I'm going to run down the list:
Price drop on the Shuffle
Price drop on the Classic
A newly redesigned Nano that's been splashed all over the Interwebs
An iPod Touch with more curves than your size 0 dream date
iTunes 8 - yes, because everything should be as good in thousands of squares.

Remember that multicolored rumor? Bullshit. Those muti-colors are going to be in the form of an expanded color palette for the Nanos / Shuffles. No, you won't be seeing Dalmation or Flower Power iPods. Sorry.

Steve's gonna go all out. No iPod is safe when it comes to the yearly September update in 2008. If you're really good, you may even see colors on that iTouch.

That's right, I said iTouch instead of iPod Touch to save time, instead of taking the time out of my day to say 2 words instead of 1.

For all you kiddies that think your pet peeve is hearing the word iTouch, I have this to say to you:
iTouch iTouch iTouch iTouch iTouch iTouch iTouch iTouch iTouch iTouch...

I'll be seeing you all later! Enjoy your day, and Steve, prove to the world you're just fine.

He looks better. Trust me. It was a bug, and he isn't sick. He's Steven P. Jobs. What the hell on earth would make him sick? Sars? The Plague? He's immortal. That's all there is to it. Just like the iPod.

Peace fellow iLovers. May your wallet be bountiful, and your credit cards maxed, en lieu of iDay.


Monday, September 1, 2008

Yo Quero Musico

Every single damn Latino song has the same beat.


I'm not bashing you if you happen to be Puerto Rican, Cuban, Mexican, Texican, or work at a Taco Bell, but JESUS.

Get some imagination people. Pull a Bono. Mix it up a bit.

Yeah, that's about it.

I want a Crunch Wrap now.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Asphalt 4 Elite Racing for iPhone

What are the odds I'm granted a free download of this for posting it here and to everyone?! (e-mail is right on the side of the page, wink wink)


My dream has been realized!

No, not because the second to first most anticipated racing game for me has been released - shortly behind Need For Speed Undercover, of course.

No, it's much much bigger than this.

I finally did it.

I finally released news about something to MacRumors before anyone else, and it actually made the front page in the form of their iPhone Blog!

Thank you Arn! You are my hero!

Skippy is rejuvenated and better than ever! I'm back. Really. This time I won't just slip away into a deep slumber to only wake up for necessary food, beverages, and mini-vacations.

It is almost September, and I am ready to roll. Honestly, I really am.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

I did not get consumed

Neither Grizzly Bear or Moose ingested me, and I am thankful. Nor did they try to jump, mug and / or bum rush me. Which is also a plus.

So, that mid-week / Wednesday was a lie evidently, but I'm here now, and that's all that really matters. Papa Skippy won't leave you in the dirt for too long. Unless rigormortis sets in. Which would be bad.

I missed civilization, I won't lie. Almost as much as one Steven Jobs, who apparently got so fed up with civilization that he set Apple on fire. No I'm kidding. It was an accident. Not even by anything they made either. I told them not to get the Vista Air Center but no no one listens to me.

I am a tired little person lately. So lazy that I haven't posted a real post about posts in I'm not sure how long. I still can't lie, that won't keep me from being lazy still. I need them high quality sleeps, and I will get back to earth soon. Peace readers.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Almost Spiritually Prepared

Alright. My brothers and sisters, or whatever you are.

I'm going on vacation. Really. For 4 days, 4 hours up north in some little camping place I've never heard of with someone that needs no introduction, especially in a place like this blog - that's for sure.

Am I afraid I'm going to get eaten by grizzly bears? Yes I am.

Will I get eaten by grizzly bears? Quite possibly.

I'm taking my iPhone, so we'll see if that helps. Any word on if bears have accepted the App Store as a quality place to get some nice entertaining programs for iPhone? Do they get 3G coverage in the Adirondacks?

This is gonna be one hell of a ride. Or. Trip.

Peace. I will be back to blogging sometime mid next week. Wednesday. Yes, that would make sense.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Just a note

En lieu of my 100th post, I gave myself another vacation from all work including unnecessary movement and waking up before 11 am. I'll be back in a while, don't worry. It's not good for you. I swear to God it's not.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Wal*Mart: Stuff It, Smiley

I can't stand this shit any more. Someone, for the love of all that's good and expensive, tear down Wal*Mart.

This store isn't the heaven I thought it was made out to be when I didn't actually work there. What a hole. Fatass balding managers, old people that forget where the front door is located, and sweaty guys in non-requirement tank tops working the stock room in back.

Disgustingly pathetic.

Check this out.

Remind you of anything? Please don't tell me you're that stupid - even I couldn't believe that.

That video, as oddly sick and humorous as it is, is sad and true.

All of the overweight people putting around on their little power scooter cartmobiles, families towing 2 or 3 carts full of garbage, and people walking in with plastic money to get an entertainment system worth of a listen by Stevie Wonder.

the customers are exactly what brought that retail shit chain to what they are today. They are the epitome of the man that made the dump what it is today, even though he's been 6 feet under for a decade and a half. Can you tell how much I respect him? Yeah. Just about as much as the rock with his name and date.

You know the kind - hell, you probably know someone who is one, or you just may be one yourself. They come in, they shop around and crack the same jokes about things that people have been cracking since the first HoleMart opened in 936 AD,and they generally move things around only to leave 20 minutes later. After it's all done, they didn't buy shit, but that's ok, because the person that followed them into the store left the store sans $200.

I'm all for the Confederacy and the south and Cracker Barrel and RC Cola, really, but holy crap. This is the one time I'd ever support anything with the word Union.

Besides, Sam's Choice tastes like warm liquid plumber. Really. It does.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

100th Post: A Confession

In honor of my 100th post, and the continuation of a legend, I figured I would come clean to the world.

I have a problem. I can't hide it any longer. Let me explain.

For years, man has struggled with one thing, and one thing alone: woman. Temptation, seduction, manipulation, need, love, and lust. I am only man, and I can not lie in that I too have run into a few of those problems listed.

I thought I was one of the lucky ones, that I wouldn't go through that in my lifetime. That was when I was young and naive.

Now that I have more worldly experience than most people, I can finally see what's been wrong lately. I've been blinded my my friends and family by the one thing that somehow found its way through the labyrinth that is my mind.

I have finally found what is the definition of hot. As sexy and sleek as the hips of a 1969 bright orange Dodge Charger.

It seems like lust has taken me over, and I can't feel more guilty. Not only am I drifting away from the first thing that changed my life, I'm basically only cheating myself here. It's just not right, and every man in America knows that feeling.

It's like the most beautiful woman on the planet was just dropped in my lap, and there's no way I want to let go, even though I know deep down that I should. It's the right thing to do really. I have a life that I can't just abandon for that.

With a body such a delicious shade of flawless white, accentuated by all those curves, what is a person to do but just stare half starry eyed in wonder as you walk by? God is playing a trick, it must be - how could the sight of anything invoke lust when you don't know anything else but what you saw? It's just wrong.

You know how unfair it is, really. It's just that you see something so simply gorgeous and pure and innocent that your mind instantly rearranges your priorities whether you want it to or not.

I'll change the way I think in time. I can fix myself, I know it. In the meantime, I'll have to work on being a better man, for myself, and everyone I know. I mean, really, let's be honest. Have you seen the iPhone 3G? Wow.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Yankee Demo

What the flying fuck are people thinking? Anything? No?

I hate the Yankees, with a passion that burns like a thousand suns, but even I think it's a terrible idea to rip down Yankee Stadium.

There's an ad in my Sunday paper that shows a little replica that you can buy for like $9,000... It says something about celebrating the last season at Yankee Stadium.

Ok, I'll admit I find it funny that the team I hate is having their home stadium ripped down for who the hell knows what - a hot dog stand would be funniest, and have more return visitors - but still, I'm a history kind of person, and things with meaning like landmarks are meant to be left as is unless falling down on people that walk by who look at it the wrong way.

Like in Utica, there's the Stanley Theatre. People including myself were and still are against some big stupid neon scrolling Marquee that replaced a simple text holding billboard thing. It's an old antique building... leave it the hell alone. Really.

Some people are just so fucking stupid, you just want to roundhouse kick them in the face. Chuck Norris style. Stupidity is disgusting. I like perfection. Like myself, and this blog.



Oh, that reminds me, I plan to take over Fake Steve Jobs' spot for overall best Blogger site.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Because I Said So

Told you!

iPhone 2.0 Software available at 9AM. I believe I said that, didn't I?

Oh yes, I did.

How do I keep so awesome? Honestly. What makes me so irresistibly great? It just must come naturally.

Well. The 2.0 Software is available right here, right now. In JesusTunes, hold option, and click Check For Updates when JesusPhone is plugged in, and download it by selecting it.

Officially, this is NOT the 2.0 Software from Apple, it is a build of it, NOT THE FINAL RELEASE.

Skippy holds no reliability for anything whatsoever that comes from you clicking that link and downloading that unpure item to JesusPhone. Skippy has warned you, and don't come crying to Skippy if you wind up with a JesusBrick.

Don't say I didn't tell you so.

JesusPhone 3G Prep

It's almost here, people.

The iPhone 3G, and App Store, and Software 2.0 for EdgePhone users like myself. I don't have Edge around here, so I'll be holding off.

Oh, and MobileMe for those who want that too.

Speculation all over either points to 3 possibilities, and yes. Skippy will let you all in on it.

It will either be tomorrow around 5AM or 9AM, or they'll hold off until the 11th at 8AM. MobileMe will be up tonight, or at least it should be.

Enjoy, iFanatics.

Monday, July 7, 2008

This is why bikers die

If there's one thing I don't like aside from Microsoft, Japanese cars, or Starbucks, it's daring bikers.

You know the kind, right?

The little assholes on their Suzuki Shitterbikes, weaving in and out of traffic because they think they can only because they can fit.

Here's a hint - don't try to pass me. Ever. You will become a road stain, and I will get out to check on your level of alive. Nearly alive, perfectly alive? No difference. You'll be looking for my help. I will point and laugh. Why? Well, because it just won't be my day. Neither will the next day. Like those bumper stickers.

So I'm going south on my city's main drag, and there's this little shitty 70's bike with like a rear reflector and nothing else, and he decides that he likes one exit ramp over the other, which both lead to the same intersection. Ok, he takes the right one.

NOPE. Dipshit decides last minute, the left one is more for him.

Don't you just want to hold your door open and just take him out? Give him a reason to used the handicapped spaces at Walgreen's when he goes to pick up the medication that will keep him and his plastic hip alive because someone decided to clip his rear wheel and send him into an daredevil flip.


July goal for bikers: fuck with me more.

Trust me, there will be fewer bikers. Take your pick fellas, under or over? Personally I like the latter due to the way that things really bounce and roll off of the hood of a gunmetal 2002 Saturn SL1. Very artful actually.

Holy assfuckers incorporated... I hate bikers. Kids. Don't even know how to work on their own vehicle.


Just like my mini van philosophy, if you have a bike, do the world a favor. Find the nearest highest bridge, swerve towards it, and instead of playing chicken and stopping, gun it. If there's a guardrail, the rider - that's you - will simply get more airtime.

Does this help you? Yes. You won't be driving that Honda machine anymore. Does it help me? Come on, do I have to answer that?

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Go Time

Took a trip to my local AT&T Store on Tuesday. Thought I would report back here.

A buddy of mine with 7 months in his contract is able to get all the stops. $199 / $299 for the 3G iPhone, the dirt cheap prices on their $75 base contract. You know - 450 minutes, Data, and 200 SMS Texts for $5.

I think my next Walmart bonus, in all it's huge 6 figure glory, will get me a 3G GodDevice.

We'll see about this.

Especially after I sort out that billing pricing scheme thing. Did you see what damn chart? Holy crap.

It's a joke right? I had to have missed that one.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

So the local High School graduates today...

They passed classes. Most of them... and they all have cars... most of them. Unfortunately. If they could all just pull an organized pile-up, and eliminate their on-the-road status, I wouldn't mind at all. I would even accept old people.

Ever know those kinds of people that shouldn't be allowed on the roads?

First off, was some guy on his cell phone - in New York State, where it's illegal - and he decided that stop signs aren't his bag, and he would pull a Cali-Stop and roll through it. I lay on the horn and ride his bumper for the next 5 blocks.

Then there was an old geezer in a pickup truck with "for sale" signs all over it. He decided it would be great fun to do 15mph down an entire main road that runs north half way through the east side of the city. He turned off, not to bad.

My personal favorite, an arrogant teen in one of those gay street tuners. He thinks his car is hot stuff, so he revs it at a red light. The light turns green, and his car pops and sort of bounces like he forgot which was the gas pedal. Nice job kid.

The always fun, "look-at-my-Hummer-drifting-into-your-lane" was another point in my day. Good times. She got a good blast of the horn too. If I weren't driving my nice pristine 1997 Chevy S-10, I would have taken a shot at her with my door - turned her into a road smear.

Do me a favor if you have a Hummer. You know how I love them. Please - disable your airbags, ram it full speed head on into a concrete wall, and holy crap, don't brace yourself for impact. Thanks! Your busses don't need to be on the roads of Miami, they belong in a desert in the middle east. Personally, I really really really like this fun educational site that's all about the Hummer and it's... whatever it has. Shit? Fake rich kids? Bullshit? Heffer excrement? You decide, because I can't pick.

Last on that list, of course, who do I get behind on a main road heading east? That's right, Colonel Sanders and his extra crispy thigh-mobile. If I had a Subaru XT6, you can bet that wedge would have jacked his rear wheels off the ground and I would have hauled ass for him down the road.

In the words of Fake Steve Jobs (who is back by the way), I hate Frigtards. Will someone tell them to please turn in or shred their licenses, and all important legal documents declaring that they are indeed legal U.S. citizens? That would be great. Thanks.

Friday, June 27, 2008


So I just got off the phone with some guy on that Applecare help line thing, and someone named...

Ok I won't name him, but let's say his name is Bob.

He said that the iPhone 2.0 Software that comes out July 11th "should offer backup for the notes" in the form of syncing. He sounded like he was unsure of himself in telling me that, but still, he said so.

Now, my Camera will work only if I don't restore from my previous backup. Which means I have to lose all my Webclips and such... I don't know if I wanna do that. That means I have to do it all again and waste my time... Nah.

So I'll just wait until 2.0 software and continue wiping my phone when I need the camera, syncing the photos back, and then hitting that backup button.

Thanks... um, Bob. I have something new to look forward to.

iPhone 2.0 Note Sync - compliments of an Applecare help phone support random guy!

Watch no one read this, and then make a big fuss out of it when it actually comes.

You're welcome Skippy.

I know, thank you.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

I take it back

Any new pictures, aside from the one that's already there, are still the grey shadowbox thing.

So much for the quick fix... Thank you again random internet tech helpers.

This is why I'm here. I'll fix it. Like everything else.

The Big Namaste

All is well in the iUniverse.

That little trick in the previous post worked out.

I think until the 2.0 software comes out, I'll be leaving at least one photo in the Camera Roll so iPhone doesn't forget how to work itself.

Thank you random helpful internet people. Check is in the mail. Ok, not really.

I loves me some technology.

iPhone Camera Glitch

So, I go to use my iPhone's camera yesterday, and I'm hit with a snag.

The little bastard thinks that games are fun, and Vista-like simpleton problems are funny to the user.


They piss the user off, and the user then want's to turn the user's iPhone into an iFrisbee into the user's living room wall.

I may have found a solution, right here, that fixes it. We shall see. I'm restoring it as I share these life changing secrets with you now.

I'll report back here for duty and let all of you - my readers - my friends - know how it worked, or if it even worked, or if my iPhone is a steamy little pile of used parts on my floor.

Any way this goes, I'm waking up to scrambled eggs and salsa tomorrow morning. It will be a good morning. I just feel it.

How good? As good as Dale Jr's Michigan win. As good as July 11th will be with the 3G iPhone's launch. As good as an end-of-the-day Wal*Mart cinnamon roll on discount because no one else wants it.

I love cheap things.

Like politics!

Tuesday, June 17, 2008


He finally won an actual points event!

Now, after he finally wins, just like I've said, people think it wasn't fair that he passed the pace car.

Well you know what's cool?

You can gripe all you want but it won't change the outcome.

Dale won it on father's day, after his 76 race winless streak. His father Dale Sr won 76 career races. He won it at Michigan, where he ran a cream colored retro #8 in tribute to his Dale Sr and his grandfather Ralph. A few little coincidences? Not sure.

Fuck the pace car. Anyone can pass it for a few seconds and not get shot in the face. Stop griping because your favorite driver's didn't win or lost out at the last second. It's all about strategy, and obviously at Michigan your driver didn't have it.

The #88 Amp car finally got a points win. Amen.

He's third in standings - let's see where this leads. Rock on.

Thursday, June 12, 2008


So. I went into a deep seclusion for the past few days, I mean after all, how am I supposed to feel after misinforming you about WWDC and the great things that you'll experience?

You'll see the new iPhone - Check - iPhone 3G
You'll see a device revised - Check - iPhone 3G, duh
You'll see a new networking and online solutions tool - Check - Mobile Me
You may see a short demo of something big to come later - Check - Snow Leopard
You'll see an entirely new device - WRONG - DAMN IT TO HELL

Where was it Steve? You left it out! Just as you cut out It's A Small World as your hellistic plot bent on world domination was playing with the 70 red lucky iPhone receiving countries.

I'm not at liberty to discuss this, but I'm gonna have to get to the bottom of this. I don't know...

Somehow it looks like my weekend is shot to hell as I try to hunt down some important business-like men for my own personal benefit. I have to hunt them down like a Civic driver so I can get up underneath them and turn them into the rail on the highway. Damn it.

In the words of Kurt Donald Cobain, "I hate myself and want to die"...

No I'm kidding, people are way too fun, and useable.

Google Search, here I come.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Just 3 Hours Left

Steve Jobs is going to give the world more gifts with thanks to my favorite little Cupertino company.

In honor of the occasion, I decided to add on another feature to my blog. Just scroll over any link like this Google one and SnapShots will offer a preview of whatever you plan to click away on before you go to that page.

We'll see how I like it. Not sure about it yet really. It's all about the user experience though, right?

I'm kidding, I'll see what I think about it.

I need to go rest up, fellow Bloggees... Blogists? Bloggers.

I'll see you after the Stevenote. Maybe on my new iTablet? Who knows? Well, ok Steve does, but I don't get to talk to him all too often of course. He's a busy man you know. Almost as busy as Mel Gibson - who, by the way, will tell you so himself.

I really hope he has nothing to do with the Guitars...

Sunday, June 8, 2008



10:00 AM Cali-time, 1:00 PM New Yorker-time.

Am I the only person on this planet that's looked forward to it since last years?

I have a feeling this is gonna be awesome.

Not only that. I'm Skippy. Let me explain...


You'll see the new iPhone, you'll see an entirely new device, you'll see a device revised, you'll see a new networking and online solutions tool, and you may see a short demo of something big to come later.

Skippy said so.


We'll see.

I had no idea that SteveNote was an actual slang term. I just started it saying a couple days ago. Awesome.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Snow Leopard?

So, my take on this sick little "Snow Leopard" OS rumor that's been floating around.

I actually think it's a possibility. As posted in response to a user on MacRumors, I side with the following.

Mac OS 10.6 may implement most of the actual OS 10.5 for a smaller fully Touch mobile device, such as the rumored "iTablet".

This would also make sense in like with those Intel only rumors, in the way that you wouldn't need or want to run it on any other device.

Why run an OS that's only made for one Touch device on anything else, and why keep PPC support if it's not used anywhere on said device?

I say bring it on. Give me my MacTouch, and iMac screen desktop dock. I have the Platinum MasterCard ready. Let's roll, Steve.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

The Flying Doorstop

This car.

Is a great car.

Have you ever been in it or driven it? Then do it.

It's a Subaru XT, made in the late 80's and early 90's, and it is good.

This thing is one bigass wedge. Can you guess how aerodynamic it is? The gas cap and door handles are all perfectly flush with the body.

Yeah. It's that good.

I know someone with an 89 XT6, and that car is the king of the city. All these little kids with their Civics and Mustangs think they have everything in a car.


No they don't. This Subaru can trump any of these cars with sails on the trunk and plastic body kits that change the car beyond recognition.

Well. I may be on to something here. I may be close to a Subaru XT Turbo. Not as good as the XT6, but if you can't beat something, you best try to get on the same level.

Skippy may be going on tour.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008


No. I'm not giving away iPod Touches to every 10th visitor.

I would of course keep one and sell the rest on eBay for you.

When I say for you I mean to benefit this blog.

When I say benefit this blog I mean enhance my life with a BMW M5 and then explain all of it's wonderful features on here.

Well. Today's news.

Apple just launched their student promotion for this Summer. The deal is, buy a Mac - excluding the Mini - and you get a FREE iPod Touch or iPod Nano.

Yeah, I would sure go for that $200 Nano when I could get and sell the Touch for $300, buy a Nano and have $$ left over. That's a slick little promotion they have going there.

I think... This is officially... The Summer of Macs.

I think I should get iBook and iPhone brothers.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Peace from Wherever

Who the hell knows where I am.

I'm off on vacation, and in a few short words.

It. Is. Good.

Where did the money come from to do this?

Who knows.

Why did I do this?

Who cares.

You know what all of America needs to do? Leave. That's right. Everyone in North America need to leave the continent for 24 hours. Come back and see where things are. The price of everything from gas to eggs to power scooters will have dropped 80%, and the government may be in turmoil, but that's ok.

It's just a damn good reason to get away from it all. Literally.

You know what else everyone needs to do?

Set their watches.

Know why?

Well. One simple reason. It's vacation. It's Miller time.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Last Published on May 13th?

Are you serious? I have some fucking work to do. Just great.

Where do I even start?

Dale Jr's spectacular crown on his official 2 year winless streak thanks to some punk kid?


The rumors of the 3G iPhone - no, no... the Apple Tablet that's been rumored too?

No, that would be like a re-hash of everything Fake Steve's done to death like Charles Manson's parole hearings. Isn't he dead yet?

I don't even know. Vista is loaded down with more problems than I've wanted to admit, and I'm now in the market for Airport Extreme so I can bring iBook back into this era. Those are a few updates in my world.

3 Doors Down and the Green Day side project Foxboro Hot Tubs both released their albums last Tuesday. 3 Doors Down has outdone themselves and it's a great album. Best Buy offers 2 extra tracks that are both great, and Walmart offers a DVD with interviews and such.

The Foxboro Hot Tubs album isn't bad at all either. It's packaged like a vinyl album, complete with realistic vinyl graphics and little paper sleeve providing the most advanced protection that today's paper can offer. It has a sound much like The Kinks, and it's worth it if you're into the retro punk unclean kind of sound.

Obama still can't crush Hillary, who keeps coming back like the Scream character, or Batman. She just won't stay down when she's shoved into a pool full of odds and ends. Personally, after all of this, I'm starting to hope she'll make it just to prove Obama supporters wrong - who I've found out are just as annoying as Windows users, and I don't quite know how this happened.

I finally accomplished some great promotion as well. MacRumors just posted an article on a 256GB SSD for the MacBook Air. It's still unclear if it will even fit in the Air, so yeah, it's not too certain and kind of open, but it's a possibility that slightly kinda sorta maybe it could perhaps work.

Just like Decision 08, or McLovin.

Oh yeah, that reminds me - The Big Lebowski kicks ass. I sort of zoned talking to someone at the end of the movie, and I missed it, but don't worry. If you didn't see it, I won't tell you that they all die.

No I'm kidding. I have to watch it and actually pay some attention to get it I think. The end sort of got so slow that when the credits started rolling I was caught by surprise. Good film though. Buy it. I would. I did. I went to 5 different stores, but I got it. Thank you Circuit City, whom I had to go to twice because employees were talking to each other on my first stop...

Yeah. I think that works.

Skippy offers apologies and condolences for being so absent lately. I won't leave your lives hanging like that too often. I had some important business-like business matters to... do business with.

No I just got really really lazy and didn't feel like typing, I'm not even gonna lie. You don't need that. No really, I swear to God you don't. It's not healthy. Like idiocy - and in the words of Ron White, "you can't fix stupid"... So true. Too bad though.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

NFS Carbon

Come race SkippyThorson in Need For Speed Carbon. Drop me a line and we can dual sometime.

I'd be happy to beat - I mean race you. Especially if a buddy of mine is there.

Oh if only you could see my sarcastic grin. You'd love our driving styles.

I'll be back Blogging in a while. Much to do here you know. Lots of work to be done in the life of me, and frankly, it's getting boring. I need pyrotechnics...

Monday, May 5, 2008

Almost 2 weeks...

... since we last talked.

How have things been for you?

Good? Good.

Same here I'd say. Usual horse shit - with no pun on the Kentucky Derby.

Skippy became a happier person. I woke up to a text on my iPhone from a friend saying "New NIN album "The Slip" available totally free via"

No it wasn't an official Trent-message. Yet, I managed to drag my ass out of deep slumber to my Vista-box to get this thing before I had the chance of missing out.

I already had Discipline since the single was released free a while back, and I'm on track 3 - Letting You - and I'm really liking what I hear.

Which reminds me, I wanted to pick up With Teeth... um. Years ago. I may get on that.

No snyde Apple comments, no harsh attacks on humanity or the econo-hell. I think there's much waking up to do.

That NIN album The Slip can be found by going to You can figure it out from there, I hope. It's right there. At least today.

Peace holmes... and Trent.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Fuck. Phones.


Fuck it. See that picture?

No you don't because Blogger decided to be slow and tick me off further.

Fuck it.

The crappy web pages not loading, internet being slow as hell, and people rocking the Voyager.

I loathe that thing. With a passion. That burns like a thousand suns. If you own a Voyager, feel free to leave your comments in anger towards my position. Fine. Not my fault simply walking by a Verizon stand at a mall or something just gets me pissed.

It doesn't help when they ask me about my phone service either. AT&T owns you. More bars. More places. My mini-computer suits my needs, and I don't need a 7.2 megapixel camera, or take half hour videos to slip in my pocket, or the basic need to make calls - because honestly, when you own an iPhone, do you use it primarily for calls? No. It advances the male ego, and it is good.

...and yes I'll shamelessly promote them. When Verizon as a company can stop scooting their asses around the carpet of their corporate office, and realize the deal they lost out on by telling Apple "No" - which I may add, no one should dare - and they realize that the greatest little 3 inch piece of touch screen technology from the Cupertino desk of Steven P. Jobs is what everyone around them is trying to catch up with, I'll consider their Microshit-like Monopoly.

I just read something...

Where the fuck was it...


It says that "Verizon smokes a fat one while Cingular/AT&T shits on them and grabs the greatest handset on the market" - and you won't see that in there because every news columnist that writes about things like that is too afraid to go against a corporate giant and bash them like they've deserved for years.

Their internet service sucks - needless to say Time Warner in my area took over and sucks harder and longer - their phone service sucks - needless to say Time Warner in my area took over and sucks longer and harder - and I hate their employees. Every single one of the little grey-clad bastards.

Tell me the Voyager has GPS.

I need my phone to have GPS... so I can stand it up on my dashboard, or look down at my cup holder for the next left, or in New York State like everyone else does, hold it with one hand, watch it with one eye, and use my remaining available senses to stop at a red light without impaling the Prius in front of me. Which, I'm not gonna lie, I've wanted to do on more than one occasion.

No not use my phone - the Prius part.

What can I say. I'm a brand loyal person. If your tastes don't meet mine, I'm not gonna sugar coat it and say that "well, it's what you like that matters"... No. It means that you simply don't have my same perfect taste, and that's a damn shame, and it sucks to be you, and until you wake up, and smell your Folger's Premium Roast Mudpie, you will never learn.

Speaking of which, let me take this time for a lesson in happiness.

If you want to experience perfection, buy ONLY the following brands in their respective lines:
General Motors
and whatever is found on the hood of Nascar Nextel Cup stock cars in the top 20 in points.

Friday, April 18, 2008

For the love of i

Not myself. The love of all things i.

A tainted iPhone. Including a slide out keyboard.

Who the hell in the name of the Dali Llama would go for that thing?

Steve was entirely against 2 things a year ago - both cheap plastic components. A stylus, who yuck, nobody wants... and the slide-out plastic keyboard. It's a load of bullshit - or billshiza as I hear it called in some ghettos.

I have spent the last few days getting over a cough and a cleansed sewer, and this is the thanks the universe gives me for promoting purity? Screw this.

In other news. Skippy is on his way to a shiny new - ok old - Camaro. It's a past drag car, and the rear wheels are like something you'd find on John Force's car, and I love it.

It's 4 g's son.

I'd drop that. Hell I dropped half that on a phone.

I don't buy anything else. All else is unnecessary. Obsolete. Crap.

More as time flies son. Discuss.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Deep Thought

Skippy has been a little out of it.

It involves lemon juice, maple syrup and Joe Thorton.

Yeah. Holmes is cool.

I'll return this weekend.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Heh heh heh

I do a 5 day hiatus every month. At least...

This time though, I'm digging up dirt on a certain something.

Look for detailed iPhone games via a new improved accelerometer.

Be ready for an unbelievably easy way to accept iCal invites with a new feature.

All thinner than you thought.

iPhone 2.0 - on it's way... Somewhere.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Oh Smack

Is my rant on the preppy shoppers still creating a buzz?

I suppose this is how Martha Stewart exploded... and in the same vain I think it's time to shut this down.

Skippy keeps on a-roaring through the Interwebz at blazing fast 1999 speeds. This rocks.

Excuse me while I go back to counting my green made from the largest retail chain in America, and not of the hand shaped variety. You know what I mean creepy old guy.

I'm listening to Burger Man by ZZ Top and calling some hippie creepy. I should be ashamed.

I'm not one for anonymous posts. It drags down my blog's overall happiness.The happy uplifting letters of hope you've come to know. One comment is from a kid with 2 profile views, and no blog at all, and the other is from a kid who believes social networking is the literal definition of posting a single entry on how he's a lazy sod who doesn't like gyms and how donuts are healthy as building blocks for that leaning tower over in France or something. I didn't get it. See for yourself.

There's a reason I don't just give out my personal details, such as money. How could I take away the reason that allows me to bitch about the Trump Tower dwellers from the view of the Trailer Trash millions? I would come up with a clever comeback to respond to their highly intellectual comments like last time, but I simply don't have the vast superior knowledge of all things literature and numerical... shame.

Oh, and yes, my tears are shed for those of you reading this from their silver streak twinkie house.

Loved or hated, it's working. You probably aren't sure what it is, and it ain't Cher. I hear something. A small but growing buzzing sound...

Friday, April 4, 2008

3G fakePhone

Has anyone seen this thing?

The 3G iPhone.


I mean clever ColorWare mockup of a Black iPhone edited to take out the seam between the antennae and the metal.

Whoever has the time to go out and do this is a blazing moron.

Hm, I've never known Apple to ever put an engraving on anything other than Chrome (All of the chrome-backed iPods) and the metals found on the iPhone, second generation Nano, and recent Shuffles. Perhaps another little tech wonder slipped by me, being awake for 2 hours, but let's think people. This is a glossy black, probably plastic, shit, thing. Why would Apple engrave plastic?

Holy. Crap.

Crap crap crap.

People, don't fall victim to idiocy. I know it's hard, but please try not to be a blubbering blundering moron every waking second of your existence. Do the best you can.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Skippy On The Rise

And fall - I hit a high yesterday of 118 on Blog Toplist. This is an exciting time for all of us --

I mean...

This is great. That's the highest I've ever been.

I surmise it had something to do with my controversial rich person rant.

Rock on. I need to vent more often.

Didn't post yesterday because you would all just think I'm April Fooling you - and I don't want to let down my loyalists.

I mean followers.

I mean fans.

So, now I'm at 156. That's ok. It's better than not existing there at all.

Monday, March 31, 2008

It's All About Opinion

I will attempt to be less drunk when I write speeches about the fabulous life of the rich and famous. In the past 48 hours, the United States population has presented me with two offended souls. For which, I indeed take pity.

See here. This is my personal favorite of the two (thus far), and to you, Mr. Anonymous, I wish to give my sincerest apologies. No, really. I do. I feel you holmes. Like Mr. Jackson does kindergarten.

I know what you're all thinking. I can't be trusted. I mean I've gone on drunken Nogasaki raves and encounters with an icon... Honestly, when will the bullshit in this blog end?!

The profanity... I mean, if your child under the age of 14 is reading this blog, for the love of Allah, rip him by his denim collar out of that computer chair and scold him with a liquid soap and vinegar mixture to the eyes.

The day this blog is politically correct is the day where Microsoft goes bankrupt.

Yes, my adoring fans, I will not disappoint you. You will each have a voice, and your opinions will all be heard. Through me - the truth. The absolute supremacy directly above your mother's dictatorship. I will not spank you.

When you shat upon my rolling hills of wheat, when you ravaged the beauty of my wetlands with non biodegradable generic Cola bottles, and when you voted Dubbya to office, I was right there. All around you... Yeah, right.

Give me a break. I don't care about your opinions or concerns... Mine matter.

If you don't know what's up in this blog by now, then prepare to be appalled when you sift through past entries. I can only give you my support.

I can never get enough of middle class America. Great stuff.

I can see it now. I'll be talking to Matt Lauer come 2012... or before the world ends. Whichever comes first.

Skippy jumped up 51 spots on Blog Toplist in the past 3 hours. Kick ass.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Do you like money?

So do I.

This one goes out to you, rich American home owner in the rich part of your town, wherever that may be.

To all of those who achieved high paying jobs straight out of college, and to all of those who can afford the luxuries in life like a 3rd or 4th car.

May your son and or daughter have a BMW on their 16th birthday, and may they have everything you've known and more.

I hope people like you read this, because man (or woman), this one is sure for you! You hard working American, you.

Let me tell you something. You kind of people are so arrogant, that half the time I have to put a megaphone to your fat ass just so you can hear me.

Rich people disgust me. The kinds that sit home watching Oprah worrying about the troubles of the world, while watching the stock market on an iPhone they got from their last $2,000 raise, hoping that their future doesn't depend on how Dow Jones does tomorrow.

You know the kinds - the people that make in excess of $60,000 a year and all of a sudden think that they've been blessed by the Gods an can do no wrong. So to convince themselves that they aren't worthless idiotic nothings, they run out to Dolce & Gabbana to better the world - their world.

Fuck your world.

I know what you're thinking. You just sat back in your chair, and either gasped or scoffed. Well, screw that too.

When you're so high and mighty, that money is no object, and you can go anywhere you want on this globe at the drop of a hat by just packing up and leaving, it looks like someone needs to readjust their priorities. There are people that can't do that, and have to actually work for a living, doing something that you could never do, and that's get your hands dirty.

Real hard working down home Americans that work for their family to give them something more than a shoe collection. It's the stupid preppy nose-to-the-sky kinds that everyone else should be looking down on. Stop thinking you can buy your kids everything to make them happy.

You can't. You never will... but go ahead, and keep sitting at your Windows office computer making those big bucks typing away while other people are breaking their backs to make a fraction of what you will this year. Aren't you proud?

Teach your kid how their car works. When they've turned mommy and daddy's birthday gift into a smear on the NYS Thruway, I'm going to drive right on by, on my way to work.


Real work.

You hear that? Hello? Ass? Anyone in there?

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Sure, you've got low prices...

...but you've also got throngs of screaming crying whining smelly drooling dirty obnoxious spoiled rotten kids.

All I want to do is organize my shoe department in peace and quiet, but no. There's some child in a cart turned around shouting repeatedly to her mother who I am sure is already across the store, if not already out in the parking lot feverishly trying to start her Grand Caravan to get out of there in the quickest way possible without being told by the cops or this guy that you aren't supposed to do shit like that... Whoops.

I need a vacation. From the truth.

Well, in other news - Apple of course - it looks like the Mac Mini could still see it's bright little future way in the distance. It could be updated, and kept around for a good while. Interesting to hear, considering I may be picking one up eventually... See, Steve knows what's up. We have an understanding.

In other news, I want this... Or even better, this concept car seen here and here. Apparently it was going to be a one of a kind for Dale Earnhardt Sr., but it instead morphed into the 2000 production car. Great stuff. Rock on, 6th generation Monte Carlo.

Go Mopar. Later holmes.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Skippy Stock is Down

Look at that, I'm gone for a 5 day Easter break and I am torn down to 172 on Blog Top List.

Bloody hell.

Anyway, news is here. It's finally happening. Vista will be cured for all. No more Blue Screen of Death.

Apple is stepping up to take care of Vista.

That's right, I said it. Steve-O is going to end up saving us all from the nightmare that Bill Git started not long ago.

See here. I have to be off to prepare myself for an evening including seemingly violent action movies and Cheetos. Peace.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Emerald City Underway

Has anyone seen this pile of shit? Please tell me you have.

Apparently, this thing is gonna take down the Mall of America. It's going to be the biggest baddest thing yet. More so than the Big Dig, and probably twice the nightmare.

This thing was proposed in 1997. Then it expanded into someone's idea of a joke.

Well. They've gotten nowhere. It's still hell. The roads are terrible - it's more confusing to navigate than the Rachel Ray Recipe Book, and is a bigger nightmare than George Bush interrupting your favorite sitcom to tell America he fucked up in a nutshell.

The appearance of this building... Holy... Crap...

I can't even put it into words. I was all for it. I'm thinking to myself, 'Hey a mega-Apple Store'... No. We get something inspired by a fucking Bug's Life.

It's Green, but it's not. It may actually be green, and it's supposed to be an eco-friendly building... but... with one flaw.

It's being built on wetlands, damn it.

Who knows when it's supposed to be done. I'm placing bets on the 'my generation will never see it' slot.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

GodPhone = Truth = Control Your PC

Yo. Holmes. Ever wanted to run Windows on your iPhone? Literally?

Not necessarily Parallels, but you won't need it.

You'll never guess what I uncovered.

Right HERE.

It's called BeFree4iPhone.

What is this you ask?

A tool that will change your life.

This requires NO hacking or jailbreaking of your iPhone, and will work if you've crossed over to the dark side or not. I personally haven't, and never will, so this was the first part that drew me in.

What can you do?

You can literally control your PC remotely from your iPhone, where you want, when you want. You sinply touch the screen where you want your cursor, and you constantly have the option to click, double click, or... other things I haven't gotten into yet. You see, and control, your computer. You see your desktop pseudo-live (there is some delay time) just as if you were sitting in front of it.

There are bigass buttons on the bottom that I knew about, but right now, in my fit of technological-wonder, forgot the depth of them. Some of them are: To File Browser, Minimize All Windows, To Remote Control, etc. There are more.

You can zoom in and out and all that jazz, so don't worry about trying to click that little 2 millimeter iTunes or AIM "X" in the top right corner, and such.

I have a dock on my home screen - ObjectDock - and simply going over one of the icons will allow me to click them, but goes not give the mouseover effect. Not sure if that's simply delay or an animation you don't see.

I may get more into this eventually. Who knows. I am finally becoming a sick little tech-helper. Amen.

It is also listed at Apple as a Web App HERE.

You rock, BeFree4iPhone people, really. You do.

Friday, March 14, 2008

5th gen iPod Update

Got this iPod?

Then run to that little love child of yours, and pop that usb in.

Gently now. Ever so gently. Don't cram it in, you ass.


What do you gain from this? What great new features did Apple include in this v1.3 update that "Supersedes" all previous updates?!

To borrow a line from Pirates of Silicon Valley; "Nothing. Not a damn thing."

Bug fixes, as far as anyone can tell. I know... but please, keep it in the pants. Don't end up like this... or like some people.

Thanks though Steve. Give that white shiny plastic a little more love before you say goodbye. Don't be afraid.

Safari seems snappier.

Oh wait... Nevermind.

Man, I love mini-code.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Hi Roller

No, not the band.

I know it's hard for you to all believe, but Skippy has consistantly been in the top 200 of Blog TopList. I find that halfway decent since I've only been doing this for a few months.

I'm also getting a little somewhere in the PhotoCrank world. Even if some people don't have a sense of humor like I do.

No I'm kidding. I love ripping on people for weeks for something they did that took like 5 seconds of my time. It always makes for a good day. At least this guy thought so... and her... oh, and them.

No, I'm fucking with you. I don't know any of them. Hopefully they don't mind the honor of being on my blog. Like some people.

I need stuffed shells and maybe a couple cannolis... but with chocolate chips, the way they were intended to be. Ask Don Corleone.

I would make a great fat man.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Bloody Hell

So the insanely great image from my last entry is removed.

Yeah, I took it off myself, cause I'm just a nice guy. Oh, and I'm a fucking people person.

Someone somewhere said that he created it and doesn't like direct links because I'm stealing his traffic that is evidently up in the high dozens. Whoops.

You know, Google Images provides me with every photo I've uploaded, and if anyone doesn't want me to swipe a photo off there for any reasons, don't let Google crawl your site. They sort of don't find you magically - I know, dream crusher.

So. That dude's happy. I think.

Let's see here now.

Taylor Hicks won American Idol for a damn good reason. Rock on, new age soul music stuff.

You know how it sounds good?

It sounds good on an iPhone, in your hand, using the touch screen to navigate to the album just because you can and no one else around you can touch their music because they all use Hellphones. I have GodPhone, as we've all come to know it. Great, great stuff.

It's a soul thing, or so I'm told by iTunes in my start / menu / task bar thing. Whatever Redmond is calling it this year.

Thursday, March 6, 2008




I don't really know how I can sum this up without going over your heads. Gotta keep it simple, you know.

SDK. 'Nuff said.

Holy crap. What's next? Apple, do I smell iPhone 2.0 to accompany firmware 2.0?

What else what else what else...


Who gives a 10 year old an iPod Classic? When she has a Windoze XP virus-laden box? Really.

Does she have 20 full length movies an 5,000 songs and 1,000 photos? No. She has spyware, because kids don't know how to operate computers properly without an adult sitting behind them.

This is why we have parental controls. To control your little monster spawns. Wow.




Yeah. I think that's about it for now. I'm just really excited about the iPhone third party apps coming out in the near future. This is going to be insanely great.

Nothing like a few good Steve-phrases to finish off the day, right?

Monday, March 3, 2008


For the love of god, I've already had 500 views since I joined PhotoCrank. This rocks.

Yes. I put another test picture in so I could Crank it myself.


That's such great free advertising.

There is much work to be done. Perhaps Apple will give us gifts tomorrow? You may never know.

I need to get myself back on earth. You have no idea what Elvis Reese's Peanut Butter & Banana cups can do to you.

Man, meet Neptune.

Saturday, March 1, 2008


I added that to the site.

Yes, I'm just living off of Fake Steve Jobs.

So what if no one can take a joke. Whatever goes, goes. Nothing personal, just business.

I wanna test out this new-fangled deal with the image in this entry. It intreagues me.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Media Center

Am I the only one noticing this?

I can't be... and this can't be true.

Windows Media Center. We've all taken a look at it, maybe even use it, but other than a wad of unorganized programs, what is it?

Well. One might say that it's a suite of applications with it's own mini operating system within Windows. If you're a Mac user, this may sound familiar.

Like, oh I don't know, Front Row?

When you enter Media Center, you're suddenly greeted by a blue ocean of options. Photos, Music, Movies, etc.

...and my mind just told me that I'm defending a Windows product. Screw this.

Post over.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Behold. JesusPhone.

So I've gone on a 10 day leave without warning or reason.

Damn, I got your reason right here.

Even Trent Reznor is late to things. So blame me. You'll live on.

I'm here now. right? That's right.

I think I need to share a story - a revelation - an epiphany - that I had in the deepest of slumbers. It was about the one and only (thus far, I'm not allowed to give details) GodPhone... and yes, I'm a religious Italian - so before you go telling me this is wrong, keep in mind I'm in good with my pal Jesus, and the Don of all Dons. So word.

I know how Jesus felt with his old carrier, really. He's all, "Man, I ain't got no service anywhere." So I'm all, "Ok Jesus, I got you." I explained to him the wonders that fit in your pocket along with 5 hours of battery life, and he's blown away that he essentially created this thing.

So I see him again like 5 days later, and he's all, "Man, I saw what you were talking about in a vision of mine, and I hear ya - touch is the way to go." Jesus had a 3rd gen iPod for I don't know how long, and he loved the lights and the touch sensitive buttons and all I guess, so he was basically in awe of this thing. He likes the email most of all. He even went and made a custom ringtone. Norman Greenbaum's Spirit in the Sky. Go figure - Greenbaum was Jewish.

Anyway, I guess Jesus is really pleased with his new iPod / Phone / Internet Communications Device. He's all "Wow. This iPhone thing, yeah, I'm down with it. This is great." So, naturally, I'm all, "Not as good as you, Jesus!" He tried finding himself on Google Maps. Come to find out, he has 2 places - here or here. He said that was ok that they got it wrong though, he didn't expect they would be able to put him everywhere.

We had ourselves a laugh and he hopped in Elvis's pink Cadillac, playing the remake of Pink Cadillac by Jerry Lee Lewis, and that was about it. He said he was going to see what he could help out with in Decision '08.

Good times, good times.

I'm glad to be back all, thank you. I'll try to warn you next time I disappear for mass amounts of time. Wouldn't want you to get worried, now would I?

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Cart Jacking: America's Threat

Have you ever been to Wal*Mart and been Cart Jacked?

This happens when someone comes up to your cart and just walks or runs off with it. Full or not.

This happened to a friend of mine tonight. DON'T LET IT HAPPEN TO YOU.

He stopped his empty cart a few feet from him to talk to me, and as he did, a woman with a pack of bottled water came up to his cart and asked if it was his. She may look harlmess, but looks won't tell you shit. He responds, clearly, "yes"... So the woman then puts her water in the cart and strolls off.


Cart Jacked.

Ways to prevent this from happening to YOU:
1) Always leave any spare children you may own in your cart. No one else wants your kids, believe me.
2) Never leave your cart unattended. Especially if empty or more than 4 feet from the most outreached point of your hand.
3) If your cart is empty, for the love of God, put something in it. Else you are just begging to be swindled.
4) Try to guard your cart. If you see someone coming towards it, start yelling in Japanese. No one likes Japanese screaming.
5) Most importantly, if it can not be prevented, be sure that you know where the hunting supplies are in your local Wal*Mart. The faster you can get there and back, the faster another Cart Jacker will be thwarted in their evil efforts.

God's speed.

Be careful out there.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Another 5 Day Leave

You know. This is unacceptable.

This crap with my being out for work instead of here trying to treat you all to what you want. What is that? Me.

I hear your cries, your sobs, and your plea bargains at night - flooding me with iChat-like sounds. They come in the form of text messages on iPhone. Free ones. Using JiveTalk from BeeJive.

Go figure, they didn't even pay me for that - it's that good.

In a later post, probably my next one, I will be describing to you, my impressions of iPhone. However in the meanwhile... I will leave you with this. A close relative to one Skippy Thorson decided that, after many years, it was also time for a Cell Phone upgrade.

I leave this to the Kyocera 2119b.

To the Phone that always did his best.
Turning on.
Glowing green.
He will be surely missed.
Where ever your new home should be.
Rest up for the spirit in the sky.
Which is a good Norman Greenbaum song.
and look towards the future.
A future filled with rest and relaxation.
One filled with no dropped calls or inadequate technology. All phones are created equal.
And you are one of them.
Namaste, Purple Phone. Namaste.
I bow to you, Kyocera 2119b.

More to come with iPhone in the future.

Friday, February 8, 2008


I just realized I haven't been here in 5 days.

Quick update - considering it's like 12:30 am...

I finally have a job, and that's always good. I finally joined the Working Poor. I'll be working my ass off for the rest of my life now trying to make a living doing shift work for a paycheck that leaves me $100 spending cash.

Ok $40.



That's right holmes. I finally got me the phone to end all phones. I've had it for just over 24 hours.

I love it.

It's everything I thought it would be and more. However, even after the 16gb update, I went for the 8gb.

I compared it with a friend, and the screen is a little different, it's a little lighter, and my engraving of the iPhone name and details on the back is a little different. The metal on the back might even be different but it could by my imagination.

I'll fill you all in soon.

I bet you can't guess where I'm working. Hint - my store beats your store.

Sunday, February 3, 2008


There's always next year. They'll pull off another undefeated season and then crush whoever they face at the Superbowl.

Yes. The Patriots just won. A Moral victory. That's what it is.

It's as simple as that. Yes, I live in New York, but can the Giants say they had a 1-off perfect season? Didn't think so. The end.

Friday, February 1, 2008

Productivity Increased

I just thought I'd share, that I have finally stepped up onto an even higher platform than the rest of earth.

I finally got Roadrunner. Much better than DSL.

Yes. Perhaps I'm behind on the times. I have a large mess to clean up - thank you general uneducated public.

Tomorrow. I finally start work. Holy crap...

Never fear Mr. Walton, in the words of Mrs. Doubtfire, help is on the way.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

We're Not Lost

So I haven't posted in the last 2 days - I know. I try to keep it to at least 1 post every other day, but sometimes, big important people have a lot of big and important things to do.

For instance...

The power in my city's only high school went out today, and I had to be there to make sure that all the computers made it through. Rather. I had to be sure the Macs made it through. Which they did. Just fine.

The power at my local college went out too. That was funny. I had the only operating computer in the entire commons area. My glowing Apple logo a beacon for all the people to see. I'm sure of it. I know what they wished they wanted just then. Anything with an Apple logo.

I hear ya.

So. I'm sitting here, as I speak. Or type. Watching Lost. Are you noticing what I'm noticing?

What the hell is that little scrolling text box of crap that no one cares about? It's a blatant statement of 2 things. 1, the writers of the show, whoever they may be, must think everyone watching is an utter blazing moron, and 2, whoever wrote the crap in that scrolling text box is an utter blazing moron.

I got little hints tell me that one guy was an avid pheasant hunter. I don't care.

They just told me the Island faces a threat from the Others. I don't care.

I've known that since it was introduced last season. which was... what, 2002?

If I see the word Others on my screen one more time, I'm going to end up finding out what people mean when they say "plasma".

Oh, and Jack with a beard looks just wrong.

Well. There is much work to be done. I do believe I am officially hired at Wal*Mart. However, that Donate button on the side... Yeah. That's staying. I still need those high-end blogging funds.

So. Go Patriots, and amen to new House right after that. Peace.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Amen Matt Lauer

..and the rest of the Today Show cast.

They all raved over MacBook Air. Even Fake Steve caught on. I figured he would.

Note to self, and general public: Watch more Today Show, and praise them when they praise Apple.

I thought I'd share. I think I'm even closer to being employed. I have to pass a drug test for Wal*Mart - cause I guess they think they're the CIA now. Whatever. I'm game. All for iPhone... and a silver 1970 Chevelle, but, you know. Keep it simple. iPhone first.

This is going to be an exciting time.

Wow I sounded like I work for Steve.

I want iPhone. I'm like, almost a year behind the rest of earth. Someone's playing a joke on me. They told everyone within a half hour of my house to not hire me. Odds are they have wanted signs with my face on them behind the counter.

Then again, you wouldn't know. None of you have ever seen me.

So does that mean I don't really exist at all?

Pfft. Of course not. I've made all of your lives better for months now. What would you do without me?

Don't answer that. I know what you're thinking already. A world without me wouldn't be a world at all. I hear ya. That's ok. Uncle Skippy's here, and he's gonna teach you the wonders of hunting.

Let's do this. Cheney-style.