Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Pre-Apple Event Ritual

So it's going down. Are you ready to rock Keith Richards style? Minus the coconut tree.

Like before all iEvents, Skippy is here to help you out in all of your last minute shopping needs. What can you buy your annoying little nephew that bites this holiday season? Well, aside from one of those monkey/backpack/leashes, you'll be seeing plenty of great new iProducts in just a few hours.

Let me explain.

I know what goes down. I just do. How? Who knows. It's a gift. An iGift.

I'm going to run down the list:
Price drop on the Shuffle
Price drop on the Classic
A newly redesigned Nano that's been splashed all over the Interwebs
An iPod Touch with more curves than your size 0 dream date
iTunes 8 - yes, because everything should be as good in thousands of squares.

Remember that multicolored rumor? Bullshit. Those muti-colors are going to be in the form of an expanded color palette for the Nanos / Shuffles. No, you won't be seeing Dalmation or Flower Power iPods. Sorry.

Steve's gonna go all out. No iPod is safe when it comes to the yearly September update in 2008. If you're really good, you may even see colors on that iTouch.

That's right, I said iTouch instead of iPod Touch to save time, instead of taking the time out of my day to say 2 words instead of 1.

For all you kiddies that think your pet peeve is hearing the word iTouch, I have this to say to you:
iTouch iTouch iTouch iTouch iTouch iTouch iTouch iTouch iTouch iTouch...

I'll be seeing you all later! Enjoy your day, and Steve, prove to the world you're just fine.

He looks better. Trust me. It was a bug, and he isn't sick. He's Steven P. Jobs. What the hell on earth would make him sick? Sars? The Plague? He's immortal. That's all there is to it. Just like the iPod.

Peace fellow iLovers. May your wallet be bountiful, and your credit cards maxed, en lieu of iDay.


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