Monday, July 7, 2008

This is why bikers die

If there's one thing I don't like aside from Microsoft, Japanese cars, or Starbucks, it's daring bikers.

You know the kind, right?

The little assholes on their Suzuki Shitterbikes, weaving in and out of traffic because they think they can only because they can fit.

Here's a hint - don't try to pass me. Ever. You will become a road stain, and I will get out to check on your level of alive. Nearly alive, perfectly alive? No difference. You'll be looking for my help. I will point and laugh. Why? Well, because it just won't be my day. Neither will the next day. Like those bumper stickers.

So I'm going south on my city's main drag, and there's this little shitty 70's bike with like a rear reflector and nothing else, and he decides that he likes one exit ramp over the other, which both lead to the same intersection. Ok, he takes the right one.

NOPE. Dipshit decides last minute, the left one is more for him.

Don't you just want to hold your door open and just take him out? Give him a reason to used the handicapped spaces at Walgreen's when he goes to pick up the medication that will keep him and his plastic hip alive because someone decided to clip his rear wheel and send him into an daredevil flip.


July goal for bikers: fuck with me more.

Trust me, there will be fewer bikers. Take your pick fellas, under or over? Personally I like the latter due to the way that things really bounce and roll off of the hood of a gunmetal 2002 Saturn SL1. Very artful actually.

Holy assfuckers incorporated... I hate bikers. Kids. Don't even know how to work on their own vehicle.


Just like my mini van philosophy, if you have a bike, do the world a favor. Find the nearest highest bridge, swerve towards it, and instead of playing chicken and stopping, gun it. If there's a guardrail, the rider - that's you - will simply get more airtime.

Does this help you? Yes. You won't be driving that Honda machine anymore. Does it help me? Come on, do I have to answer that?

No comments: