I will attempt to be less drunk when I write speeches about the fabulous life of the rich and famous. In the past 48 hours, the United States population has presented me with two offended souls. For which, I indeed take pity.
See here. This is my personal favorite of the two (thus far), and to you, Mr. Anonymous, I wish to give my sincerest apologies. No, really. I do. I feel you holmes. Like Mr. Jackson does kindergarten.
I know what you're all thinking. I can't be trusted. I mean I've gone on drunken Nogasaki raves and encounters with an icon... Honestly, when will the bullshit in this blog end?!
The profanity... I mean, if your child under the age of 14 is reading this blog, for the love of Allah, rip him by his denim collar out of that computer chair and scold him with a liquid soap and vinegar mixture to the eyes.
The day this blog is politically correct is the day where Microsoft goes bankrupt.
Yes, my adoring fans, I will not disappoint you. You will each have a voice, and your opinions will all be heard. Through me - the truth. The absolute supremacy directly above your mother's dictatorship. I will not spank you.
When you shat upon my rolling hills of wheat, when you ravaged the beauty of my wetlands with non biodegradable generic Cola bottles, and when you voted Dubbya to office, I was right there. All around you... Yeah, right.
Give me a break. I don't care about your opinions or concerns... Mine matter.
If you don't know what's up in this blog by now, then prepare to be appalled when you sift through past entries. I can only give you my support.
I can never get enough of middle class America. Great stuff.
I can see it now. I'll be talking to Matt Lauer come 2012... or before the world ends. Whichever comes first.
Update:
Skippy jumped up 51 spots on Blog Toplist in the past 3 hours. Kick ass.
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