I was so busy last night, you just couldn't believe it.
No not like that. Sometimes I think a lot of people need enemas to find their heads again.
So many people come to me for help, and it's ok. I don't mind it. I'm honored that in your time of idiocy you think of coming to me in your brief moment of glimmering bumbling brilliance. Please though, don't do it at any time after 10:30 pm. That's just disgusting. That's my time to sleep, relax, regain my composure and make sure I know who and where I am at all times.
It's now just 12 hours past that time, and we have a problem. I need like, 23 hours of sleep per day to function. I normally only get 6. Most people waste a third of their life sleeping. I only waste 25%. It makes me think of wasting more, and how nice that sounds.
Wasn't sleeping proved dangerous in a recent case study or some bullshit like that?
Sort of like on the Today show where I was raped. Audibly. Unwanted information was thrust forth into my ears. Crap that I didn't care about for once. It was something about if we stuff our faces at Thanksgiving with the average 5000 calories that each American consumes, we're more likely to die a tragic horrible gravy-induced death than say those across the pond that have Scones and Breakfast Tea.
I don't know. I think I'm going to be off to sleep. Or something. Sometime. Word holmes. Keep it real. Whatever those kids say nowadays.